11 Pieces of Foolproof Evidence That I'm a Mom

By Kate Steilen

Updated on 10/21/2015 at 4:20 PM

The Project For Women | Lauri Levenfeld
The Project For Women | Lauri Levenfeld

Say I lost my wits tomorrow — which seems entirely possible as a mother on cold medicine. There are some things that anyone might use to remind me who belongs to me and where I belong in the family order. The evidence proving that yes, I do have children. You wouldn't even need to show the colorful snacks in the cupboards, the toys over there and everywhere, or even the stacks of princess/candy/fairy/kitten/puppy/cupcake library books. This is how you could show me I am evidently a mom.

  1. There lies a dried umbilical cord among my rings. Because where else does one keep this remnant of the newborn? (Well, my first's is preserved in her baby scrapbook. Baby two does not have a scrapbook . . . )
  2. There are teeth in the bedside table. Baby teeth. The tooth fairy is forgetful, ineffective, and not very creative when it comes to teeth storage. What is the tooth fairy supposed to do with stolen teeth?
  3. If you gave me a physical, it would be immediately obvious which side of my body is used to carry children and their things. Like, if you tossed a toddler at me, I'd catch it one-armed, no problem. I'm above average to very good at the toddler football carry.
  4. The sound of a school bus makes me jump up and head for the street corner.
  5. Verbal statements are repeated. I can't just say "No," only "No, no."
  6. I can't remember where I got random bruises on my arms and hands. They can only be attributed to bumping into things with kids or bumping into kids.
  7. What'd I do this weekend? I can't remember what we did this weekend, but I know we did a lot. Just look at these strange bruises.
  8. I have strong opinions about education and the child.
  9. I may refer to technology "screen time."
  10. I'll probably try to hold your hand if we go anywhere.
  11. Your hand would feel much too large.