Boss Mom Life Lessons: A Letter to My Daughter as She Starts Kindergarten

Dear Daughter,

I'm your mom, so of course I want you to win at life. I aspire to see you healthy, happy, and successful. And I also want you to be a total boss.

That doesn't mean I hope you'll charge into kindergarten and take over the blocks table to create a tower of power or commandeer all of the easels for your personal artistic vision. It means I hope you move through your days like a leader, owning and projecting your particular brand of awesome, like a boss with total confidence.

I took a long path to becoming a true boss, and I hope that what follows can help you find a shortcut on some of this stuff. Listen up.

In school I was a follower. I had friends, but I was always in fear of being left out, so whenever a kid was getting ganged up on or teased, I stayed quiet. I didn't want the mob to turn on me. That's not being a boss — it's being a silent bully. If you see another kid being teased, step in. You don't have to take on a bully directly, you can engage the victim. "Hey, come sit with me." If you're the victim, a quick, "I don't like the way you're treating me," and a brisk walk the other way does wonders. Stand up for people, including yourself. It matters.

I failed at a lot as a kid. I didn't make the tennis team until the third time I tried out, I didn't get to dance with the boy I loved in seventh grade until he attended my wedding 20 years later as a good friend, and it took three years of embarrassing drama auditions before I finally got cast in a play senior year. (See a pattern here?) The only way to truly fail is to give up on something. Bosses keep trying.

Find out what's cool about the people around you. Not everyone is going to be your best friend, but everyone has a thing. The key to understanding them, and seeing them shine, is to figure out what that thing is. Maybe the quiet kid is a huge reader and you can geek out over Harry Potter together one day, or maybe the kid who can never keep still at circle time is actually an amazing soccer player who can give you some tips on your form. True leaders identify others' skills and value what they have to offer.

Talk less, listen more. I used to think that climbing to the top meant talking a lot, getting my ideas out there, and having my voice heard over others. But I've learned that total bosses know when to talk, and more importantly, when to listen. True listening is about more than just being quiet and catching all of the words that are being said. Empathize with people, ask questions, and try to understand where they're coming from.

Above all, total bosses are kind. When a kid snatches a crayon or has a breakdown during circle time, be the kid who meets their anger or sadness with a smile and an "Are you OK?"

Oh, and did I mention that total bosses also pick up their toys when they're done playing? 'Cuz they do.

Love,
Mom

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