This Shocking Birth Story Is Told Completely Over Twitter, and It Will Have You in Hysterics

Updated on 1/13/2016 at 12:52 PM

The thought of an emergency delivery probably crosses every pregnant woman's mind at least once, and though it's unlikely, What to Expect When You're Expecting includes a chapter about it just in case. Luckily for Aniyia Williams, she read that section and knew to send her husband, Marco Rogers, to go find the book when the couple found themselves having to unexpectedly deliver their baby girl at home earlier this month (yes, you read that right).

What happens next is an amazing, epic, and hilarious tale of how their daughter Noemi entered the world. Thanks to Twitter, you can read that story yourself straight from the new parents, whose faces appear in the dictionary next to "Power Couple."

I've got about 10-15 minutes before she wakes up. So it's time to tell the story of how I delivered my own baby girl.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Hold on tight, people.

She was born in our house. In our bed. Just me and @operaqueenie. With my father in law also there in the house.
No, this was NOT planned.

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Marco goes on to explain that Aniyia really wanted to have a natural birth. Her doctors supported that and recommended that she labor at home for most of the process.

So early Saturday morning, my wife wakes up with contractions. This is about 5 days early. But that wasn't entirely unexpected.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Let me fast forward a little, because she labored normally for about 9 hours. We went from very mild to mostly moderate contractions.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Marco explains that the couple was using an app called Full Term to both time the contractions and rate their intensity on a scale of one to five, five being the strongest.

Then Strong contractions. Number 4 on the scale. I remember because it was the first time a sound involuntarily escaped my wife's mouth.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

It was scary. But @operaqueenie is a trooper. She just grunted and breathed and said. "I'm fine."
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Eventually the system broke down. "Look, unless I say otherwise, they are ALL strong contractions."
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Marco makes a call to the hospital — the second of the day — to see if they thought it was time for the couple to go have the baby yet.

"We usually like to wait until they're 2-3 minutes apart. That signals active labor is approaching."
Oh? Do tell.

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

This is where Marco's story begins to get a little scary but somehow hysterical at the same time. Aniyia gets into the bathtub to ease some of the labor pain.

And then it happened. All of a sudden my wife says she felt "a pop and a gush". Her water had broken.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

At that exact moment another contraction hit. Category 5. And a sound came out of my wife that scared the shit out of me.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

This is the point where Aniyia starts to share her perspective on her own Twitter account.

And then that pushing urge kicked in. Like I was going to take the biggest crap of my life in that tub.
— Aniyia (@operaqueenie) January 8, 2016

The couple is frantic at this point, trying to gather their things and get into the car to drive 20 minutes to the hospital.

...tryna be cute. Now I'm like "fuck the bra, fuck the wig". I prob would've even skipped underwear if fluid wasn't running down my legs.
— Aniyia (@operaqueenie) January 8, 2016

But then, PLOT TWIST:

My wife stops. She's wailing.
"I can't. I'm gonna have this baby right now. I can feel the head."
She starts to *sit down in our foyer*.

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

My wife is the only one with clarity. "Call 911. Get the What to Expect book. There's a section on emergency delivery."
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Then :::push contraction::: and I feel a bulge between my legs. Reach down and can feel Noemi's head.
— Aniyia (@operaqueenie) January 8, 2016

By this time, Marco has found What to Expect, praying it will give him all of the answers, and Aniyia has gotten herself to the bedroom.

I walk into our bedroom.
My wife is on all fours.
I can see the top of my baby's head.
I don't have time to read shit.

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

"I can't. I can't push. Can you grab her? Can you reach in and get her?"
OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Y'all. I can't really describe what it's like to try to do that. To try to reach in with your hands and pull a baby out of a vagina.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

He's not sure what to do but then :::push contraction::: I push and I feel the rest of her come out. There's um...stuff everywhere.
— Aniyia (@operaqueenie) January 8, 2016

She's blue.
She's covered in goo.
She's blue.
She's beautiful.
Oh fuck, she's blue. She can't breathe!

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

...I'm terrified we won't be able to keep her alive before help comes. I get turned around (I'm shaky and umbilical cord was still there)...
— Aniyia (@operaqueenie) January 8, 2016

Marco's father-in-law, who was on a 911 call during all of this, hands the phone to Marco.

The 911 dispatcher is still talking to me. I realize she's asking "is she crying?".
She is not.

— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Then finally, Noemi spits up some fluid and lets out a huge wail. The EMTs finally arrive — about time! — and take over the situation.

The rest is history. EMTs help us with the cord, placenta delivery, take us immediately to the hospital. Bedroom looks like a murder scene.
— Aniyia (@operaqueenie) January 8, 2016

One last thing. The What To Expect book did sort of come in handy. The EMTs assisted me in cutting the cord. And we used it as the surface.
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

Okay, y'all can relax. That's it. That's how my wife and I brought our child into this world together. In our bed. pic.twitter.com/XawXA9nMTA
— Marco Rogers (@polotek) January 8, 2016

And that's a wrap, folks.

You can read the incredible full story — all 120-odd tweets between them! — on Twitter.