8 Reasons to Feel A-OK About Leaving Your Kids With a Caregiver

One of the most common causes of working-mom guilt stems from the thought that your child is spending his days with someone other than a parent. Whether it's at day care or at home with a nanny, having someone else stand in as the decision-maker, disciplinarian, and witness to childhood milestones can be a bitter pill to swallow. But when you stop viewing your childcare provider as a substitute parent and start viewing them as someone who brings their own unique perspective to your kids' lives, something amazing happens. You realize that your children being away from mom and dad can actually be a great thing — for you and for them. Here, eight reasons to ditch the guilt and feel at once confident about your career and your kids.

01
They're more likely to stick to a routine.
Flickr user Patrick

They're more likely to stick to a routine.

Moms wear many (many, many) hats — but you don't need us to tell you that. We've always got a to-do list that's a mile long, and sometimes it's the kids' schedules that suffer.

I've found that on days when I'm home with my son, the start time of his afternoon nap is often delayed if we're out to lunch or running errands, and sometimes I'll wake him up early if we have something on the calendar. When his sitter is with him, though, I can always count on her to make being home and in bed by 12:30 p.m. a top priority, as well as keeping the house quiet and calm until he wakes up on his own.

02
You have a built-in second opinion.
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You have a built-in second opinion.

If you're concerned about something your child's been doing or saying, think they may be sick, or notice that their appetite has been out of whack, you have someone else who is qualified to weigh in on the issue.

Even the most empathetic friend or family member can only offer so much advice about a child who they see only occasionally, but a regular sitter or day-care employee is likely to have a valid opinion and perspective on whatever issue's worrying you.

03
Your kids will be more comfortable around other adults.
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Your kids will be more comfortable around other adults.

If your children are used to being with someone who's not mom or dad from an early age, they'll think nothing of talking to other grownups with confidence.

04
They'll be exposed to other cultures.
Thinkstock | Fuse

They'll be exposed to other cultures.

Mangos were one of my son's first and favorite foods, thanks to his Trinidadian nanny who brought them over whenever they were in season and looked good. We moved when he was 1-and-a-half, and his new sitter teaches him snippets of Italian all the time.

I love this infusion of other cultures from an early age, and wherever your kids' caregiver comes from, I bet that they're experiencing some of these cool perks as well.

05
They're there for the kids — that's it.
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They're there for the kids — that's it.

How many times have you caught up on work emails while feeding a baby or responded "In a few minutes, mommy's busy!" to a child who wants your help with a Lego set? It's not because you don't make your child your top priority or aren't interested in engaging with them — it's that you're trying to keep everyone (and everything) afloat.

When your child is in day care or with a nanny, that person's sole responsibility is to take care of them. They are (or should be!) completely focused on the needs and wants of your kids in a way that multitasking moms or dads aren't always able to be.

06
Your children will be less likely to suffer from separation anxiety.
Flickr user James Jordan

Your children will be less likely to suffer from separation anxiety.

Those first few days of saying goodbye are tough for everyone, and don't be surprised by a day of "Don't go, mommy!" here and there, but overall, being with someone other than a parent on a regular basis is a great thing for your child's adaptability.

07
There's value in having done this before.
Thinkstock | olesiabilkei

There's value in having done this before.

Whether you hire a sitter who has children of her own or someone who has taken care of other kids for years (or both!), you should find comfort in her experience. She'll have suggestions for picky eaters, fun activities that you might never have thought of, and if you're really lucky, she'll know how to get a baby to sleep through the night!

08
They'll form a one-of-a-kind bond.
Thinkstock | David De Lossy

They'll form a one-of-a-kind bond.

When my son was a week old, the New York Times ran this beautiful photo essay called "The Other Mothers of Manhattan." It broke my heart. With an eventual return to work looming in the back of my mind, my takeaway was that these women were substitute parents, and I was about to hire someone to do the same.

Two years into the game (and full disclosure, I'm only working two days/week now), I view the child-caretaker relationship as something entirely different. My little boy adores his nanny. But their relationship is nothing like ours, or his with his dad, or any of his four grandparents. Kids have a lot of love to give, and it's OK to spread it around.