14 Lessons I Learned While Dating a Lumbersexual
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Saying that I love a man with a beard is an understatement. Something about a thick chinstrap or mustache puts me into cavewoman mode: "Me. Want. Man." Someone once asked my current boyfriend if his beard was a wig — it's that glorious! But dating a dude with facial hair isn't all cuddles. First of all, my man has just as many beauty products lining the bathroom sink (maybe more) in order to care for his scruff. We literally swap pomades every morning. And sharing a sink — forget about it!
He's a pickup artist.
He lured you in with that thick scruff and impeccably groomed 'stache. At first glance, you just wanted to run your fingers over that fuzz. And believe us, he knows the power of the beard.
He loves the mirror.
This is him coming out of the barber. Shop windows and car mirrors, beware.
He has a comb in every pants pocket.
Seriously, he buys those little black combs in bulk for on-the-go grooming. Why does he need so many?!
He takes longer in the shower than you do.
What is going on in there? We'll never really know, but it involves conditioner and a brush.
Your pomades and oils start to disappear.
When you're not looking, he's totally using the blow dryer and your favorite hair gel to get his mustache to lay just right.
Sometimes making out means getting hair in your mouth.
Especially if he's just gotten his beard trimmed.
There's always hair in the sink.
Keeping up a beard takes daily grooming, which means your sink is never without a dusting of short, curly follicles.
You're on constant food watch.
Beards attract all types of food, and it's your job as his woman to make sure there are no floaters.
Beard body language . . .
You have to learn how to interpret every scratch and mustache move.
A beard rub will get you anything you want.
He has trouble concentrating on anything when your fingers start massaging, so ask all the tough questions now.
One day the beard will have to go . . .
It always happens. He accidentally took too much off of one side or the corporate boss complains, and the beard has to go.
And you won't recognize him without it.
Silver lining: you can pretend it's your man's boyish alter ego.