When my husband and I first met, we would spend every single evening together sitting on the roof of a half-built house beneath the stars in the African heat, learning each other's language and culture. We'd dance the night away to Afro beats at the local club, sweaty and full of love. Nowadays, we sometimes get a quick moment — enough for a glance, a kiss, an "I love you" — before we drift off to sleep after a day full of toddler activities, work, and daily life. Some days, stress and lack of sleep take over and our house is silent, despite our 3-year-old loudly singing her own tune. But even when that happens, we still work to find the time to say "I love you," kiss, and connect. We may be far from where we met in Ghana, West Africa, and far from the two carefree 20-something souls that we were then, but we still have our love and strive to make time for it, through the ups and downs of life, marriage, and parenting.
When we had our little girl, we were just finding a home, jobs, and a life after my husband's move from Ghana and months of immigration. Finances were tight; I was home loving on our daughter, my husband was working around the clock to keep up with bills, and we hardly got to see each other. And honestly, at first, I didn't long for "us" time. I was content marveling at my new baby and didn't want to be bothered once she was asleep. I wanted to read, sleep, shower, and eat. But from my experience, when I began to check out of my relationship and dive into motherhood, our troubles began. Even though every couple is different, I think that it's important that we all find time to nurture our love. It's taken me almost three years to find balance as a mom and wife, and still find space in between to be me. Here's how I figured it out.