Raising kids ain't easy. From the first bout of morning sickness, parenting will test your limits in countless ways. But everyone knows that kids have a tendency to throw a wrench in things sometimes, and therefore, you can use that to your advantage — because children, and all the issues that can come along with them, make the ultimate excuse for just about everything. And nobody asks any questions.
It comes in handy for situations like . . .
OK, so my personal shortcomings may not exactly be my children's fault. But the way I see it, they do often throw the proverbial wrench into my best-laid plans, so I figure they owe me a couple of favors. And if that means, say, passing off my farts as theirs . . . it's not gonna hurt anyone.
Besides, I've got to have someone to blame for my flatulence when the dog isn't around.