It's easy to write off your ex after a divorce. But Dr. Adrienne Berry at YourTango tells us exactly why you should remain close.
From the moment your kids are born, your goals as a parent are hopefully to ensure your kids' safety and well-being while cultivating and encouraging their personal growth, development, and happiness.
Children don't have the privilege of choosing their family, so you should feel an obligation NOT to transfer the failures of your marriage onto your kids. Making the decision to end a marriage through divorce is not a one-time event that's signed, sealed, and delivered by a court document — it's a long, hard, and often heartbreaking process.
Your children's perception of your divorce will largely impact the way they cope with the loss of your relationship and will affect their own ability to have successful and sustainable relationships. Your children's needs must be placed before the needs of yourself if you want to ensure a smooth transition from the two-parent household existence that they've known their whole lives.
When you and your ex can't make the needs of your kids a priority by collaboratively and peacefully making decisions about their welfare, the children are at an increased risk for developing problems academically, behaviorally, and socially.
It's critical that children understand that the demise of your relationship with your spouse is not their fault. You can do this by carefully and thoughtfully interacting in a healthy manner throughout the course of your divorce.
In counseling, I often have to remind couples that you once loved each other — ending your relationship doesn't mean you have to hate each other. You can make conscious choices throughout your divorce to act civilly toward one another, ultimately changing the way your family will react and function after everything is finalized.
Here are six reasons learning to love your ex will keep your kids happy in the long run:
You can decide to spend holidays and significant events together as a family as you always have in lieu of assuming that traditions end with the signing of a divorce decree.
When you decide to end your marriage, your whole family experiences a variety of abrupt changes which impact nearly every aspect of their lives. Often times, this makes most instances of divorce an extremely painful process.
When the needs of your children become your focus, however, you are able to maturely, amicably, and respectfully co-exist, ultimately increasing the likelihood that your kids will grow to be healthy adults that are able to engage in and maintain healthy relationships.
Being able to witness their divorcing parents exhibiting a semblance of love towards one another even in the midst of divorce will only make them stronger.
More great reads from YourTango:
The Real Reason Facebook Causes One-Third of Divorces
10 Mantras That Will Get You Over That Godawful Breakup, Stat
Was Your Ex Literally the Worst? 5 Ways You Can Bounce Back