There are so many beautiful things about being in a long-term relationship with someone you love, who loves you. Hitting meaningful relationship milestones together, learning more about yourself, from your attachment style to your love language, watching each other grow — there are many experiences you just won't want to miss. But there are also times you may find yourself asking how to spice up a long-term relationship.
Feeling a little stagnant in a long-term relationship is totally normal, and could be a result of an event — like having kids or moving in together — or just something that happens from time to time. In some cases, it can even be a symptom that you're entering a healthy new stage of your relationship — like moving out of the "honeymoon" phase and into something more stable and committed. The good news is, stable doesn't have to mean boring, and there are plenty of answers to the question of how to spice up a relationship you love being in.
The key is being open to rediscovering new things about yourself or your partner. So, here are some tips on how to spice things up in a relationship, in order to keep the romance alive and strong for many more years to come.
— Additional reporting by Michele Bird, Taylor Andrews, and Mirel Zaman
But make it a special one. Oftentimes, long-term relationship couples get so lost in their routines, they forget to make time for each other. Prioritize a night out by doing your favorite things, or, stick to the 2-2-2- rule: go on a date every two weeks, go out for a weekend away every two months, and go out on a vacation for a week every two years.
Visiting a city together you've never been to before will bring a newness to your relationship — you'll have more things to talk about, more memories to make, and more places to see.
Really, it can be anything, but try to do something that gets you two working together in a productive capacity. This will build your communication skills and maybe even problem-solving skills, too, depending on the hobby.
Friends make everything better. If you're finding it hard to make friends as an adult (honestly, same) check out these apps designed to help you make friends and connect with people with similar interests as you.
Whether it's giving them an unexpected gift that made you think of them or taking them to their favorite sports team's game on a surprise date, surprises bring novelty to a relationship and keep them exciting.
Learning to make time for yourself can help you become a better partner for your significant other and help you both avoid codependency. Don't be afraid to give yourself space to recenter yourself and the relationship.
The key to a lasting relationship is being open and honest about your feelings. Learning how to communicate effectively with your partner will make a long-term relationship easier to navigate. If this is something you and your partner struggle with, booking a couple's therapy appointment may be useful.
Making sure your futures align is a great way to ensure your relationship will last. Plus, you can have fun with it, too, by imagining what your futures would like if you won the lottery or lived in a different decade.
It proves that they can count on you through thick and thin, and though it's important to maintain your own boundaries and have your own goals, supporting your partner's is a surefire way to have a loving relationship.
Maybe it's a sex bucket list of things you've wanted to try but haven't gotten around to. Maybe it's a bucket list of things you'd like to accomplish before reaching a certain age. Whatever it is, spending quality time checking off each other's bucket lists is an easy way to bring the two of your closer together.
Not sure where to start? Try a "yes, no, maybe" list, like this one here. Of the sexual activities you're interested in, write "yes," of the sexual activities you're not interested in, write "no," and of the sexual activities you want to talk more about, write "maybe." Then, talk it out with your partner and compare your chart. When you're done, you'll have a new list of "yes" activities to try out together.
Ultimate relaxation will help alleviate unnecessary stress and anxiety in your relationship.
Novelty is great for couples in long-term relationships, so doing something as simple as cooking a meal you always order for take-out can add some spice to your routine.
Use their love language to come up with something thoughtful you can do for them. If their love language is physical touch, maybe you can plan an at-home massage. If theirs is gifts, maybe you can pick up a pair of socks with their favorite dog breed on them.
Looking at all of you who have a partner that loves words of affirmation. Making someone's day could be as simple as a compliment.
Healthy debate is good for the soul. Just remember that the key word here is "healthy," in that, regardless of your opposing views, you remain respectful of your partner's opinion.
This seems simple, but it's a big one because respect goes a long way in a relationship. As for what it looks like? It's up to you and your partner, so definitely open up the conversation on this one, folks.
Learning to do something new together will help you two find focus in other areas of your life. Plus, it will be a new activity to try together. You can bond over the challenge.
This builds resentment in a relationship. Of course, it's healthy to bring up issues with your partner, but if there is something you're still processing or you have lingering feelings about after a previous fight, seeking a therapist may be a helpful option.
Having a life outside the your relationship allows you to be a better partner. When you don't have your own circle of support, the partnership can begin to feel suffocating for both parties.
Being spontaneous is highly encouraged, as it keeps things fun and interesting.
This goes back to the whole "respect your partner" thing. Some people need time to process a fight so that they don't act impulsively.
Laughing is good for the soul. Maintaining a relationship that is equal parts serious with equal parts fun is vital.
No one likes one-sided relationships. Though you can't always expect relationships to be 50/50 all the time, since some people may need more effort at certain points in their life, make sure you're putting in the work to keep your relationship from feeling neglected.
Sometimes a little healthy competition is just what you need.
This will put you in your feels and remind you what made you fall in love with your partner in the first place.
Why? Because not only can sex feel really, really good, but having an orgasm releases endorphins that will quite literally put you in a better mood.
Open and honest communication is the best type of communication. If something has been bothering you, schedule a time to check-in with your partner about it and discuss.
Offering your ear when your partner had a rough day at work can make all the difference between a bad day and a bad-but-getting-better day.
Try to understand where your partner is coming from when you're feeling frustrated — even if they're running 15 minutes late because they had to put eyeliner on.
Everyone looks forward to a vacation — whether it's an island getaway or some time out in the woods. This will feel like a healthy reset for your relationship.
Because communication nowadays is done mainly through texting, put in some effort by writing your partner a love note. Tell them how much you appreciate them and what you love most about them.
Cooking is the way to anyone's heart, but cooking breakfast for them while they're still in bed? Yeah, that just may be the way to keep someone's heart.
Date night doesn't have to be anything extravagant or super expensive. Making time for each other and your relationship is what matters.
You could revisit the place your first met, or plan a beach picnic. Either way, going all out for your anniversary will remind you that your relationship is worth celebrating.
When you're in a long-term relationship, the words "I love you" might feel like something you only say in passing or right before you leave each other. So instead of making this your routine, to which the words feel like they have no sentimental value, take some time out of your day to hug your partner, look them in the eyes, and tell them you love them. It will make all the difference.
Not only is cleaning extremely therapeutic, but it also allows you to connect with your partner. Turn on some music or a podcast, start in the bathroom, and spend some quality time together while simultaneously marking "clean the toilet" off your to-do list.
In the beginning stages of dating, flirting is essential. But as time goes on and you become more comfortable with each other, the flirting begins to decrease. However, making an active effort to flirt with your partner again can add some much-needed spice to your relationship.
Remember why you love and chose to be with your partner. Though you may have hit the "we're fighting like an old married couple" phase of the relationship, focus on the good parts of it instead of dwelling on the negative.
No TVs, no phones, no computers. This is the perfect and most efficient way to spend quality time with your partner. Use the time to check-in with each other and make sure all your needs and wants are being met.
When you spend a lot of time with someone, it can be easy to feel annoyed more easily by their behavior. Though it's important to openly communicate about things that bother you, it could be a good idea to ignore the fact that they didn't fold a towel the way that you would've liked them to fold a towel.
This is a great way to experience an adrenaline rush together, and honestly, all that excitement sounds like an amazing precursor to sex later in the evening.
If both partners are comfortable, loving on your partner while out in public can make them feel wanted and appreciated.
Long-term relationships can sometimes feel "comfortable," and while there's nothing wrong with comfortability, it's important that you encourage each other to take on new goals.
There's something extremely intimate about being in water together with your significant other. So sit back, turn on some music, and enjoy some time in the bath with your boo.
Or better yet, have fun with it and encourage your partner to pick out an outfit for you. This will feel ~spicy~ and add an element to date night that may have you both itching to take off the clothes you originally picked out.
Reading a book together is a great way to learn new perspectives and find new content to discuss with each other.
Appreciate the amount of time you've spent with your partner. After all, it's likely they're your person and you don't want to loose sight of why you love them.