Is the Viral Penis-Shaped Lipstick Worth The Hype?

Writer Cheryl Kramer Kaye wearing Isamaya Lips lipstick.
Cheryl Kramer Kaye
Cheryl Kramer Kaye

The last time I was this excited about two penises is when I found out I was pregnant with twin boys.

The Isamaya Lips collection, created by British makeup artist Isamaya Ffrench, consists of just two products: Vanity ($95), a sheer, dark-tinted lip balm, and Cardinal ($95), a true red, full-coverage lipstick. But it's the brand's packaging that has me all worked up: phallus-shaped and sleek as hell, like two metal pocket rockets. No wonder their nickname amongst beauty insiders is Dicksticks.

Isamaya Lips (is it me or would shafts have been more apt?) was an immediate hit: available for $95 on the brand's website to both the UK and the US, the Cardinal shade sold out in four days; the Vanity supply was wiped out two days later. When I reached out to the US PR team to request that they send me a set, they didn't have any either. I had a flashback to my senior year at an all-women's college: I just could not catch a d*ck.

I watched YouTube video after video of men, women, and couples delighting in — and occasionally dissing — their Isamaya Lips: most people loved the case and the two very different lip shades; others found the packaging too vulgar for their taste. Me? I had serious case of penis envy.

A few days later, the PR team pinged me to let me know that they had pre-tested Lips prototypes they could lend me, but that they would need to be returned. Would that work? It's not like I'd ever been with a virgin before, so I was perfectly happy to give the used wieners a spin.

When the box finally arrived, I had the same "ooh, this is naughty" rush as when I stepped into the Pink Pussycat sex shop on my 21st birthday. Lips are by no means sex toys, but they are objects of desire: Each one weighs in at a hefty 10 ounces of metal and measures three inches from base to tip (the balls add another 1.5"). You have to pull on the head (which, surprisingly for a British brand, appears to be circumcised) then spin the balls to get access to the lip color. The bullets are removable and the packaging is refillable, in case you want another go-around. The magnetized cases have a deeply satisfying click when they close.

Isamaya lipsticks.
Cheryl Kramer Kaye

The actual cosmetic products inside are good, if unremarkable. The real fun of an Isamaya dickstick, of course, is whipping it out.

I whipped it out in the gym locker room, where everyone is so used to averting their eyes that no one even noticed.

I whipped it out in front of my twins, now 13, who immediately tried to grab my d*ck. They, in turn, couldn't wait to show it to their friends, who, in true pubescent fashion, proclaimed it to be "so small!"

I whipped it out in front of my mom-friends, who passed it around like a f*ckboy. When one went to apply it, I warned her that she would not be the first to put it on her mouth. "Get a condom on this thing," she yelled, and handed it back to me.

I wish I had more opportunity to show off my Lips, but alas, this was never going to be more than a one-night stand. Isamaya Lips have now been restocked on; here's hoping you don't get cockblocked.