Iskra Lawrence on Rejecting "Mom Guilt" in the Name of Self-Care

Nearly 10 years ago, Iskra Lawrence found herself at the forefront of the body-positive movement. She kicked off her career as a model for American Eagle's intimate apparel brand Aerie, where she was the face of the brand's new initiative to stop digitally retouching photos. Lawrence has also used her social media presence to peel back the curtain of the modeling industry and advocate for body diversity. Now, with the wisdom that only hindsight can provide, she's able to reflect on her role in a cultural shift that continues to ebb and flow.

"At the beginning, I thought I was part of the body-positivity movement, and then I learnt that that was actually for marginalized bodies and I'm more in the body-acceptance community," the British model and entrepreneur tells PS. These days, Lawrence is focused on "learning how to be an advocate, being vocal but trying not to take up other people's space."

"For example, not long ago, I was asked to do a panel on diversity," Lawrence says. "And the first thing I asked was, 'Who else is on the panel?' I found out it was only white women and I was like, 'Sorry, that's not good enough. I won't be on this panel. Someone else, a person of color needs to take my space.'"

In her personal life, Lawrence is still on a journey of self-love and acceptance. Welcoming her first child in 2020 brought about unexpected changes, both physically and emotionally. "I assumed that having a past eating disorder, I would be triggered by seeing my body grow," she says. "I was scared about restricting again or being super aware of what I was eating and clothes not fitting. But really it was the opposite. It was like all responsibility was about nourishing myself because I was nourishing the baby inside of me. I actually loved it. I loved watching myself bloom."

After her son arrived, however, Lawrence faced an unexpected hurdle in her body-acceptance journey. She was so focused on her newborn that she began neglecting her own health and nutrition, which led to unintentional weight loss — garnering a disappointing reaction from some. "Of course, [then] people praise you because it looks like you 'bounced back.' And I was like, 'I have not been trying to bounce back. I've literally been struggling to find time to eat.'"

Lacking proper nutrition and sleep eventually led to Lawrence losing her milk supply, which caused her to (unfairly) blame herself and engage in negative self-talk. Luckily, she had a support system who stepped in when they recognized this behavior. "I had this tribe of friends that would call me out, not in a bad way but just like, 'We're here to support you. What can we do? We've never heard you speak like this about yourself,'" Lawrence says. "And the same with [my husband,] Philip, he just really stepped up to the plate."

Over time, Lawrence has been able to quiet the "mom guilt" and embrace a new self-care routine. The key, she explains, is returning to the basics. "I realized I need just 15 minutes to get ready and it makes such an impact," Lawrence says. "Jumping in a shower, resetting with a good-smelling product, brush my eyebrows, put some lip stuff on, put deodorant on, and brush my hair."

Products like Soap & Glory's Fresh as Fig Body Butter ($8) are an easy way for Lawrence to enjoy a moment of calm in her busy life. "There's something about working a body butter like this one — it's very thick and luxurious — into your skin," she told the crowd at the collection's launch event in New York City. "It forces you to slow down for a second. You're not doing anything else, you're not on your phone, you're really just taking that time to be like, 'My skin deserves this, I deserve this, and I smell so good, and my skin feels soft, glowy, and supple.'"

Returning to New York — where Lawrence lived for six years — provides a different form of self-care. "It feels really nice to come back, see my friends that are in a completely different phase of their life. Just tapping into things that make me who I am. People say that the birth is also a death. It's like a death of your former self. But there are still ways to continue on and refind that previous person."

Catherine Santino is a contributing writer at POPSUGAR, where she covers beauty, celebrity, and culture. She started writing in 2014 and has bylines in People, Insider, The Zoe Report, and BuzzFeed.