The 10 Stages of Getting a Manicure

Updated on 9/22/2017 at 1:00 PM

Whisper the words "mani-pedi," and my heart is yours. After all, there is truly nothing better in life than kicking off your shoes, falling into the dream that is a leather massage chair, and watching the nail technicians do their magic. Plus, let's talk about that ambient nature soundtrack that is always playing on loop. Hello, zen mode!

A trip to the nail salon is much like a spiritual experience. The minute you walk between those doors, you leave reality behind and suddenly, your biggest problem is choosing between Essie's Ballet Slippers or OPI's Russian Navy.

Whether you're a one-time visitor or a loyalty-card-status customer, here are the 10 thoughts we have all shared while at our home away from home.

The Excruciating Pain of Picking the Perfect Nail Color

Some like to describe the LSAT or raising children as "difficult." I like to believe that life's real struggle is choosing a nail color. I mean, there are a lot of factors that go into the decision: current season, current trends, current mood, and favorite brands. So much mental effort.

OK, About My Feet . . .

Every pedicure comes with a price, and that means exposing blisters, ingrown toenails, and all. Better question yet, what hasn't your beloved nail technician seen? You're practically soulmates at this point.

How Do You Even Work This Massage Chair?

Who wants to explain to me why massage chairs are actually so confusing to operate? How many times have I reclined forward when I actually wanted to go backward?

I Could Listen to Music, but I'd Rather Eavesdrop on a Stranger's Conversation

Given the choice between listening to A) your boring Spotify or B) delicious gossip between the two girls next to you, what do you pick? Something about being around all the chemical fumes really just brings out the Real Housewives-esque drama.

Wait . . . Did [Insert Celebrity] Really Say/Do/Wear This?

Most nail salons come fully equipped with the classic reading arsenal: celebrity magazines. And oftentimes, it is while perusing these pages that we discover a new juicy factoid on a Duggar/Kardashian family member and/or Bachelor contestant. We've got to stay updated somehow.

Regret

Lesson learned: that shimmery eggplant color looked infinitely better in the bottle than on your toes.

It's Been 68 Years and My Nails Are Still Not Dry

How could one ever forget about the age-old activity of sitting, staring into space (or mindlessly scrolling through Instagram), wondering when the paint job will dry?

I'm Probably Going to Chip My Nails in the Next 0.02 Seconds

Need I say more?

How Much Should I Tip?

Is there anything more horrible in the world than realizing that you didn't tip your beloved manicurist enough? And also realizing this once you've already left the salon and are sitting in traffic? Or frantically doing the math in your head when the bill comes around? Numbers are hard.

Yep, 1 Hour In and I've Already Chipped a Nail

As usual.