The #1 Way to Get Over Your Ex Is Not What You Think

Updated on 10/1/2018 at 9:30 AM

POPSUGAR Photography | Lexi Lambros

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No disrespect to esteemed boy band of the early aughts, 2gether, but I disagree with their argument that the hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff. No, the hardest part, in my experience, is getting rid of their scent.

In the month or so after my relationship ended, I tried every conventional approach to "getting over" my ex: the sage-burning, the ridding of pictures, the crying my eyes out over a plate of three-cheese enchiladas while my friends patiently listened to theories of what could have been — none of it worked. I was still hung up.

Then, after two weeks, I was finally ready to address the olfactory part of the experience: her scent. Dr. Belisa Vranich, psychologist and author of The Breathing Class, once told POPSUGAR that your partner's scent has a huge impact on your feelings. "[How you] smell consciously — or unconsciously — dictates how you feel about a partner . . . because the part of your brain that senses smell is located near your memory," she said.

While there was no singular fragrance she wore all the time, per se, she did have an affinity for essential oils and a particular black tube of natural deodorant. That earthy, herb-like aroma was all over my pillows, on her clothes I borrowed, on my clothes she borrowed. So I did what any relatively sane person would do. . .

I did a deep clean. Here's what worked for me — and it happens to smell a lot like freedom.

Step 1: Wash Everything

The most crucial of steps is this first one, and that is to get rid of all traces of your ex's scent — and that includes whatever is lingering on clothes, bed sheets (if they ever — gasp — slept over), and pillowcases. For the latter, I used the all-new Slip Gentle Silk Wash ($25) to keep my silk fabrics from breaking down, too.

Slip Gentle Silk Wash

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$25

Step 2: Burn Baby, Burn

Maybe you use candles to set the mood. In this case, I used it to reset the mood, and whipped out the fanciest one I own. I had been saving the Lafco 'Chamomile Lavender Candle ($65) for ~special occasions~ because it's so delicious . . . but if saving your sanity from a pity party doesn't qualify as an occasion, I don't know what does.

Step 3: Mind the Main Areas

Here's a step of the break-up process your roommates will undoubtedly appreciate: you've gotta spruce up the common areas, too. To counter the woodsier musk scents my ex liked, I sprayed my couch in the living room with the most floral mist I could find, the Caldrea Lavender Cedar Leaf Linen and Room Spray ($14).

Caldrea Lavender Cedar Leaf Linen and Room Spray

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$14

Step 4: Get in Line

Then, there was getting the scent off her "drawer" — a 3 ft x 3 ft space in the dresser at my place she used to cram her every tee, sweater, and pair of socks. (I used Diptyque's now-sold out Rose Delight drawer liners to freshen it up, but the brand's Scented Drawer Liners 34 boulevard Saint Germain, $65, will do the trick just as well.)

Step 5: Clear the Air

While there is no scientific evidence that a citrusy blend of essential oils has the healing powers to cure heartbreak and help "cleanse the air," spraying a few pumps of Sunday Forever's Air Detox Mist ($24) in every room certainly won't hurt — you know, just in case.

Air Detox Mist

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$24