Just two weeks into his kids' soccer season last September, and Clint Edwards had enough stories to tell for a lifetime. In a post shared on his Facebook page, "No Idea What I'm Doing: a Dad Blog," Clint outlined all of the hilarious scenarios he'd been through between his 4- and 11-year-old kids' soccer practices and games after 14 days, and OMG, we're choking on laughter.
"Here are a few thoughts, observations, and exaggerations I've had on the subject," the dad and I'm Sorry . . . Love, Your Husband author wrote, before sharing a number of hysterical tales. "[My] 11-year-old was in charge of getting his own water, a charge he failed at, tried to blame me for, and will probably bring up on a daytime talk show someday when explaining why he joined a cult. I screamed 'Do you need to pee?' at [my] 4-year-old during her game. She said, 'No,' and then peed her pants. Couldn't help but respect her dedication to the game."
But wait, there's so, so much more. "We forgot snacks on a doubleheader and my children acted as though they were wandering the desert with Moses. [My] 11-year-old put soccer socks inside out and full of grass in the laundry basket. They became a grass bomb and I had to clean the washing machine. Crap like this is why I sometimes imagine driving my van into the ocean. Got up before God created the earth so my son could attend a photo shoot and glare at the camera, stone faced, hair mashed on one side, reminding me of Nick Nolte's mugshot."
In addition to these LOL-worthy experiences, Clint and his family have had to figure out when to eat around the kids' sports schedule — "Practice is on Tuesday afternoons, so we can have dinner at 3 p.m. or 10 p.m." — and Clint's had the pleasure of emptying his bank account to purchase snacks during double- and triple-header Saturday game days.
Sound familiar? Even if it doesn't, you'll be cackling at this dad's full post, which you can read above. Someone gift this dad a heated folding chair so he can at least watch his kids' games in comfort.