Devastated Foster Mom Explains to Toddler Why They Can't "Keep" His Sister
Fostering a child isn't easy for any parent, but for one foster mom experiencing the heartbreak of letting a child she's grown to love go, it's been even harder trying to explain to her toddler son why his sister has to leave. After spending six months with the sweet baby girl in her family's care, Amber Davis detailed the gut-wrenching feelings she experienced when it was time to say goodbye to her, and how her 4-year-old reacted to the situation.
"We lost the fight. And by 'lost' I mean I didn't get what I wanted. My white picket fence has a hole in it and she's gone," Davis wrote in a post shared to the Love What Matters Facebook page. "I made sure she smelled of lavender before she left. Filled her favorite sippy cup with half water, half apple juice for the ride to her new home for a bit of comfort and distraction. Told her I loved her and purposely made her holler and squirm from being hugged too tight. She likes to give hugs, but hates being restrained in one. I wonder how long it'll take her new family to figure that out."
Davis continues, reflecting on the other things she's discovered about this little girl that her new family will have to learn about her on their own, like the fact that she needs a soft pillow to sleep on and that fist bumps before bed make her giggle. Then she takes a minute to reflect on how her 4-year-old son responded to her departure.
Josiah asked why I was packing up her things last night. I answered immediately from the depths of my heart: "I don't know." But then I realized I had a responsibility to try to help my growing, curious 4-year-old grasp something that I still don't quite understand myself: why can't she stay? As I fumbled my way through an explanation about needing to go live and be together with her sisters I could see the look of confusion on his face . . . 'But we're her brothers.'
My brain scrambled for another answer, but I blanked. So instead I changed the subject. "The good news is that Avonlea will be born soon and you'll have another sister to play with! And you will be her big brother and she will always live with us." I could tell by the look on his face that my lame attempt at explaining things had failed to add up. It just doesn't make sense. Not to him, and frankly . . . not to me, either.
Davis ends her post, touching on whether she would put her family through this experience again. "The heartbreak is overwhelming me tonight. The tears just won't stop. This first loss is more painful than I ever imagined it would be and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy," she wrote. "So the next time I see that all-too-familiar phone number pop up on my caller ID, asking if we are willing and able to open up our hearts and take in another child who needs us to sacrifice everything we have in order to love them for an undetermined amount of time . . . I already know what my answer will be. Absolutely. Let's do this. For six months or for forever . . . we're in."