I Gave Up Trying to Potty-Train My Kid — Here's What I Learned

Published on Sep 20, 2017 at 8:31 AM

It was somewhere between the fifth stealth poop that was placed in a corner and a sheer point of exhaustion that I experienced my biggest failure as a parent. Despite having read the books, blogs, and outsourced information from my "village," I was about to be a potty-training quitter.

At 26 months, according to multiple experts and books, he was well within the optimal range for training. Even though his language is slightly behind schedule, by all accounts I should have had him trained in three days. This, of course, did not happen.

It all started so well. The first day was surprisingly amazing, and after only a couple of accidents, he was using the potty unprompted and seemed to really get a handle on it. I went to bed the first night confident that we had picked the right time and that my genius baby was going to be out and about in his "big-boy undies" in no time.

But then the reality of potty-training hit. Seemingly rejecting all of his hard work from the day before, I could barely clean up a mess before he'd start again the next day. Even knowing that he would need to go within 40 minutes from his last attempt didn't help.

I'd bring him to the bathroom, and using the language in the book, I'd announce that it was time to use the bathroom. He'd go the least possible where he was supposed to and then get off the toilet and use the floor.

After four days, we were worse off than when we started, and in a moment of weakness, I gave up. I quit, rummaged through my bag for a spare diaper, put it on him, poured myself a comically big glass of wine, and ordered pizza.

Obviously, this wasn't what I envisioned. I'd already come to terms with my little baby becoming a big boy and was excited for it. Despite this not being the experience I had hoped for, as I prepare myself to try it again, there are some things I've learned that I'm taking into round two.

Set aside a week. Sure, there are those magic toddlers who can do it in an hour, but it's probably going to take longer. One area where I messed up is that I only set aside three days, and I was alone during most of that time due to my husband's work schedule. For the next time, I will set aside at least five days, if not more, to guarantee success.
Have your partner be on board. This seems like a no-brainer, but it's definitely one area where I went wrong. I assumed I could do it all by myself, so I didn't bring my husband into the books' theories and ideal phrases. Consequently, I felt more stressed because I'd have to take my focus away from my son and use it to explain to my husband why we don't scream, "No, no, no!" when there is an accident.
Throw out all the diapers. The books recommend this, and now I can see why. It's so easy to slip back into the diaper game if you have a stockpile that's calling out to you. Donate or give them to a friend or bury them in the backyard if you don't feel like wasting them; as long as they're difficult to get to, you're less likely to regress during a particularly stressful moment.
Books are great resources, but it's more important to read your kid. I fell into the problem of too much information at hand. Every little problem or issue can be researched, and I felt like a failure because he wasn't doing as well as I had imagined or as well as I had read about.
I was the problem. When we try again, we're going to work together to make it as stress-free as possible. I know he was ready, even if I was not. I thought I was because I had done some reading, but I was not prepared for all the things that went with potty-training. He was getting stressed out and was miserable because I was miserable.

I'm sure that eventually he would have gotten the hang of it, but I don't regret quitting in that moment. He will be potty-trained soon enough, and this will be a funny story we can look back on and laugh at. When we do it again, I will be more understanding, patient, and able to deal with all the stresses that come with teaching a toddler a much-needed skill.