When Jenna Kutcher, a podcast host who splits her time between Wisconsin and Hawaii, learned that she was pregnant with her first child, she and her husband, Drew, couldn't contain their excitement. She explained in an Instagram post how having a baby was truly all they could think about.
"Two years ago our fertility journey started [in Kihei, HI]. Our lives changed the moment we saw the word 'pregnant' on a test. Drew stayed up late reading books about becoming a dad, and I happily cut margaritas from my diet. We had no clue that the next two years would be filled with heartache, hope, and many pivots to our plan."
In a tragic twist of events, Jenna lost the baby at 10 weeks. She told POPSUGAR how disappointing the experience was, especially because it came completely without warning:
"There is zero family history [of miscarriages] on my side, not a single person had been through one and so it was shocking. We weren't quite sure just how real it would feel and what it was like to know we were pregnant one day and not the next," she said. "We had two ultrasounds and the second one confirmed there was no heartbeat."
To make matters even worse, Jenna had to undergo a painful operation to have the fetus removed:
We had to wait another week and I had to have surgery to remove the tissue and baby. My mom and sister came to be at my bedside as I went through that and it was just so surreal, hard, and over. It was one of those things you never plan for, you don't imagine happening for you, and you don't know how to handle it until you are forced to figure it out.
Despite going through an emotional setback, Jenna was ready to try again, but sadly she didn't fare much better the second time around.
"I was certain the next time it'd be different, ready for our redemption song. We found out in Hawaii and this time we were ready, except it again ended with loss," she wrote on Instagram. "Looking back, I can see God's hand in the heartache. We were forced to grieve as a couple, forced into learning how to heal my body, forced toward empathy for those struggling in silence, forced to live life not for what was missing but for what we have."
Even though Jenna got knocked down yet again, she didn't let her feelings of heartache consume her. She hopes that her story will help other women who are going through similar situations feel less alone:
Sometimes you walk through storms and you can only see what's in front of you. It likely feels impossible, hard, broken, scary and you're wondering how the world keeps turning while you're stuck. Today I want to remind you that the storms you are walking through are changing you in ways you didn't know you could be changed and giving you perspective so that when the sun starts shining again, the light will shine through all your cracks of brokenness. Someday you'll look back on these days and realize just how strong you really are.