I’m Sick of Nagging My Kids (So Here’s How I’m Going to Stop)

As a parent, it's my job to raise my kids to be good people. To show them how to be compassionate, strong, humble, independent, and patient (OK, so maybe I don't model patience so much as show them what not to do, but whatever). And part of being a decent human is practicing personal responsibility and consideration for others — traits that also make for good spouses, which I hope their significant others will someday appreciate. That means stuff like cleaning up after yourself, using manners, and not wiping your boogers on the wall. Unfortunately, those things go hand in hand with a whooooole lot of nagging.

You'd never believe it to watch me in action, but I hate nagging. I'm sick of it. It's exhausting. I feel like I'm shouting commands into a void, where the words just float out of my mouth and vaporize into thin air. I feel like I need to record myself saying things like "Throw your dirty clothes in the hamper!" and "Flush the toilet!" and "Quit bothering your brother!" and "Use a tissue!" and play it back on loop, thus saving the ongoing strain on my voice. I feel guilty because there are some days when it seems like that's all I ever say, and frustrated because nobody around here seems to grasp that none of this would be necessary if they'd just! Do it! The first time!

I really don't get it. My children are reasonably intelligent individuals who seem to have no problem picking up complicated video games or mastering new technology. Yet when it comes to things I have literally been reminding them to do every single day for almost their entire lives — clearing their place at the table after meals, for example — their memory spans rival that of a goldfish. Oh, you didn't pick up your dirty socks because you forgot? That makes sense seeing as I've only been reminding you SINCE YOU WERE OLD ENOUGH TO WALK TO THE HAMPER.

Nagging sucks for everybody involved. I'm sure my kids hate it as much as I hate doing it. There's got to be a better solution, so I've taken a hard look at the situation (including my own role in creating the problem), and here are the things I'm going to try:

Sometimes I want a break from nagging so badly that I just end up doing the thing I've been nagging them to do. I'll tell my kid eight times to put his shoes in the closet, and eventually do it myself because I'm tired of saying it. But in doing this, I'm shooting myself in the foot, so to speak — because all it teaches them is "if we ignore Mom's requests long enough, she'll take care of our responsibilities." NAH, SON.

Instead of harping on an issue a million times, I'm going to look my kid square in the eye to make sure he's listening, and I'm going to say, "Kid. I need you to clean up your room, please. If you don't, you won't be allowed to have friends over." And if it doesn't get done, then the room is closed to the general public. Period.

This is going to be a tough one, because nobody likes to see their precious snowflakes experiencing any distress. BUT. Nothing teaches responsibility faster than dealing with the aftermath of irresponsibility. So instead of nagging my kid to do his school project, I'm going to let him face the discomfort of not turning it in on time.

So often I'm so focused on the things they haven't gotten around to doing (DIRTY LAUNDRY EVERYWHERE!) that I overlook the things they have done. I'm going to work on spotting those things, and specifically letting them know I appreciate their efforts: "Hey! I noticed you put the cereal box back in the pantry when you were done. Good job! Thanks!" I mean, my kids might act like jerks sometimes, but they're happy when they've made me happy — so I should let them know more often. If they know exactly what they did to earn the praise, they'll probably be more likely to re-create it. PROBABLY.

My goal is to make our home a nag-free (well, at least greatly nag-reduced) zone — and in doing so, teach my kids some valuable lessons in personal responsibility. We'll see how it works.

If nothing else, I can always add "professional reminder with extensive experience" to my résumé. Hey, there's an upside to everything.