Dear Mum, You're Doing Enough

Blogger and mother Michaela Banks of Give the Boy a Chance discusses the struggles she faces every day with raising her son, Harry, who suffered a severe traumatic brain injury at 11 months old.

Dear Mum,
I see you as your thoughts drift back to the unvacuumed home, the overflowing wash basket and the unmowed lawn whilst the faint redness that rims your eyes and the slight puff beneath them belie the lost sleep whilst tending to bipap machines, feeding tubes or a child who, unable to self settle decides to start his day at 3am.
But as sure as ABC Kids starts at 5am, the dust will blow back in, the clothes will get messy again and the lawn will keep growing. Those chores are not a measure of your worth, no, that beautiful measure is in your arms, perhaps beside you in their chair, loving you and trusting you.
You're doing enough.

Dear Mum,
I feel the tinge of guilt every time you drop your kids off at childcare, kindergarten, school or respite and, for a moment, you feel a weight of relief knowing that for the next few hours you aren't mother, therapist, neurosurgeon, psychiatrist, neurologist, pediatrician et al. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone back to work? Will my child be properly included? Do the staff understand the new sign he makes when he needs to go to the toilet? I don't think I did a thorough enough handover with them this morning.
You're doing enough.

Dear Mum,
I see how you wholeheartedly celebrate every glorious milestone of all your children's friends whilst deep inside you swallow down your gnawing doubt about the therapy you have chosen or the amount of therapy you're doing at home. Today wasn't a good day, I was grumpy and exhausted, tomorrow we will do more kneeling at the couch and I will model more words on his iPad. Perhaps you will and perhaps tomorrow won't be a day for therapy. Perhaps tomorrow is a day for cuddles or a play on the swing. Your child can see your love and knows your strength.
You're doing enough.

Dear Mum,
I hear you artfully question your therapists and doctors desperate for someone to tell you the magic number and combination of therapies that will ensure you are doing everything possible to give your child the opportunity they deserve to reach their potential. Are weekly and fortnightly sessions of each enough, should it actually be twice a week, what if we joined a weekend group? I know you listen as they tell you you're doing a wonderful job and you allow yourself to feel a moment's pride until that little seed lodges itself back in your mind and you feel that no one will give you a straight answer. How much is enough, how much is too much and, terrifyingly, what if I'm doing too little?
You're doing enough.

Dear Mum,
I see the pain as you watch friendships you care for going untended as your diary fills with appointments, clinics and therapy sessions. Do they know just how busy I really am? Will they forgive me for canceling again? Will they still be there when I come out of this haze of learning to understand and accept? Will I ever come out of this haze? I see you reading late into the night as you fill yourself with knowledge that will empower you and strengthen you. I see you as you build up a virtual network of people to walk with you on this journey and sit beside you when you're down. Your friends understand and yes, the haze does lift.
You're doing enough.

You love, you cry, you fight, you advocate, you encourage, you question, you listen, you learn, you nurture, you know.

You do enough.