You're online looking for love or dates, whether it's through an app or a site or both, and you're finally getting out there. Good for you, Single Mom! But wait . . . before you get too eager, watch out for some of these absolute no-nos when online dating after divorce, whether it's a mistake on your profile or the wrong attitude predate. Putting your best foot forward and approaching online dating with the right attitude makes finding that second love easier and better!
Put the Past Away
While I myself am online looking for a great man for me, I have checked out both men's and women's profiles simply for research I have done for articles on online dating — like this one. One of the biggest no-nos I see time and again is reference to the past.
- "I've grown so much from my mistakes and am ready to love again" or
- "I've lived and loved and am ready for a fresh start"
- "I've been burned in the past and have scars and won't settle again"
How can you project a positive future when your online dating profile — meant to pique another person's interest — refers to your past? Even if you say it in a positive way, it indicates you've been hurt, and while we have all been hurt, to mention it upfront in a dating profile is a turnoff. Leave self-help lingo out of your profile, please.
Focus on future and present. No exes need to be named.
Too Sexy of Photos
Just because you're a single mom doesn't mean you don't deserve love and just because you're a single parent doesn't mean you should feel as if you have nothing to offer or are less of a catch because of your parental status. That's just bollocks and self-defeating behavior. You ARE a catch because you're an independent single mom and that in itself is sexy. However, it's a fine line between being sexy — and then being too showy. I find even if I have a shirt with cleavage, men make a lot of comments. So be careful with how much skin you show. I see a lot of single mommies out there who look beautiful — especially without those bathroom and bedroom "bed" selfies. Your lovely curves or shape is amazing but is simply the added bonus of how great you are as a person and mom. Those are the traits you should be selling. Honestly, the guys are no better and I find the shirtless-down-to-the-crotch photos kind of gross and too showy.
Remember, single moms: you are worth a great love!
Too Many Negatives
Single moms: don't waste time listing all of the men or traits you DON'T want on your profile. It's a waste of time. I made the same mistake saying, "Young guys — you're sweet but I need a man my age" and guess what it achieved?
Nothing. Instead, I got even younger guys desperate to "crack" my rule.
Listing all of the men you don't want or traits you don't want won't keep crazy people from contacting you believe you me. Instead, name or describe the things that excite you in someone. Tell prospective dates about you and not just in a list of traits but describe some of your daily life. Listing negatives make you look like a downer and bitter. Plus, it's a waste of precious space on your profile. Fill it with positives!
Strictly Kid Talk
As much as we love our kids as single moms and moms, talking about them ad nauseam on a profile is not a great choice. Yes, you should and must mention you're a mom. Yes, saying you want someone who likes kids is fine. But delving every last detail about your kids or life as a mom leaves little space for someone to learn about YOU. Remember, the person isn't dating you as a mom but dating you as a person who IS a mom and has kids. Of course you won't choose someone who hates kids and he won't choose you, but let your profile share something about you as the person this potential date might end up falling in love with.
View It as an Experiment
Don't go into every single date thinking "This could be the one" or for those of you strong mommas whose child's father has gone missing or been missing from day one, "This could be the father figure for my kids." That's way too heavy first of all and secondly, you will end up being disappointed more often than not.
A better way to view online dating is see it for the experience. What did you get out of the night? A good conversation? A funny story for your friends? A good cup of coffee or heck, just a night out? Did you learn something about the partner you need? Perhaps after this date you realize you have to date men who ONLY or NEVER do X, Y, or Z. Maybe that crappy date simply helped you learn how to be less nervous when on online dates. Instead of seeking that one true love with every date, see it as a journey and something to learn from. Eventually, you will meet the one and that journey as colorful and annoying as it could and will be, will all have been worth it, right?
Princess Looking For Her Prince
Numerous men from my social media private dating group complained about women and single moms asking to meet her prince. It came off as "needy" they said.
Hey, I admit I can be a princess now and again, but I will never advertise I am looking for a prince, nor am I looking for one in reality. Why? Because it gives the impression you need to be saved, and you don't. You save and care for yourself and your kids every day. No man or person can save you or make you lovable. Only you can. Even if you're a superconfident single momma and a little high-maintenance (Girlfriend (ME) loves her Sephora!), saying you're looking for a prince gives the impression you are needy and no man likes that.
Enjoy the journey and experience of online dating. Yes, it is tiresome and annoying sometimes. Yes, it can feel like a world of frogs. But no matter what, do not settle! You are worth every cent in gold and don't ever feel less than as a single parent. Sometimes marriages don't work out or sometimes, people decide to walk away and miss out on raising their kids. That's life. You are doing an amazing job as a single parent and deserve only the best in your life as well as your kids' lives. Ask for what you are worth!