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The Stupidest Things Guys Have Said in the Delivery Room

31 Real-Life Moms Tell the Dumbest Things Their Partners Said in the Delivery Room

Image Source: Universal Studios

Everyone reacts to stress differently. Some get quiet, some crack jokes, and others just can't seem to stop talking. And while there's nothing more nerve-racking for a new dad than being helpless in the delivery room, that's just no excuse for some of the asinine things that come out of their mouths.

We asked real moms, "What's the most ridiculous thing your partner said in the delivery room?" and some (if not most!) of the comments had us wondering how these dads ever made it out of the hospital alive.

  1. "'There it is! There it is!.... Nope, you sucked it back in!'" — Jen
  2. "They brought a doctor in to manually massage my uterus, which means that a woman I had never met was quite literally elbow deep in my hoo-ha. He said, 'Normally I'd be jealous of someone getting that deep in my wife, but since you saved her life and all, I'm going to let it go.'" — Jacey
  3. "With my firstborn, the ex asked the doctor no more than an hour after delivering when I could start working out to get back in shape. Yeah, he was a special kind of stupid." — Amanda-Rae
  4. "The baby was crowning and the doctor said, 'Look at this Dad.' He looked, then looked at the nurse and said, 'Man I'm so hungry.'" — Melissa
  5. "My husband: 'That sounded like an octopus falling down a step ladder!'" — Annie
  6. "My husband's first words as my daughter came out was, 'She looks like my brother Carl!'" — Lindsey
  7. "There's no way that's coming out of there." — Sarah
  8. Image Source: CW

  9. "As I barely made out the words, 'It burns so bad! Like a ring of fire,' he starts singing Jonny Cash to me!" — Jessica
  10. "With my fourth baby, I was in heavy duty contractions, nearing birth, and my husband was reading a book and said, 'I'm almost done with the chapter. Can you wait one more minute?'" — Barbara
  11. "Husband: 'Are you going to seduce my wife?'
    Doctor: 'Not in her current condition'
    Me: 'Induce honey, induce!' #truestory" — Brenda
  12. "He looks at me and says, 'Honey, you are only at a zero and have ten cm to go. You better toughen up!'" — Crystal
  13. Image Source: ABC

  14. "I asked him to talk to me while I was getting a C-section (to distract me from that fact). The first thing he says to me is, 'Okay, they just cut you open.'" — Sarah
  15. "With all that moaning you're doing, you're making me horny!" — Tara
  16. "He told me after 14 hours of being in labor that his belly was hurting from holding a fart in! I could have punched him!" — Jodie Marie
  17. Image Source: Fox Searchlight Pictures

  18. "'It's missing parts!' We were told the whole time that we were having a boy but then the doctor pulled her out!" — Charlene
  19. "After 19 hours of my 24 hour labor, he looked at me and said 'I'm bored'" — Noha
  20. "He looks down into my face, as the baby arrives, and says 'I REALLY don't like her name.' The one that had been picked out for months!" — Cynthia Ann
  21. Image Source: CBS

  22. "Mine was asleep while I labored through the night but at one point, as I'm laboring with no pain medicine, he woke up and told me to be quiet. The nurse handled that one for me." — Emily
  23. "In the midst of a painful contraction he said 'Aren't you glad you didn't use drugs?'" — Emily
  24. "'Wow, looks like someone threw a grenade in a deli.' We are divorced now. Seriously." — Katie
  25. Image Source: Lionsgate

  26. "He had been asleep most of the night, so when the nurse woke him, it took about 45 minutes before our daughter was born. After my daughter came out he said, 'Was that all?'" — Yvette
  27. Image Source: MTV

  28. "He said, 'Do you care if I take my mom home real quick?' I looked at him and without saying a word, he just sat his ass down and his mom found her own way." — Jill
  29. Image Source: ABC

  30. "If I knew this was going to take so long I would have worn more comfortable shoes.... ." — Vanessa
  31. "In the OR, getting ready for an emergency C-section, my husband finally gets there and asks me 'Why did you call the ambulance? Do you know how much they charge?' The twins almost lost their father that day." — Natasha
  32. "My son's father said 'He has my balls!'" — Belinda
  33. Image Source: NBC

  34. "Bleeding from the episiotomy, my husband said, 'Boy, I would love to get a car that color!'" — Jayne
  35. "My wife delivered faster than Jimmy John's!" — Julie
  36. ""It's a boy! It's a boy!" The nurse said 'Look again dad,' she then lifted the umbilical cord and it was a GIRL!" — Nicole
  37. Image Source: CBS

  38. "The doc starts the incision [for the emergency C-section] and he peeks over the side and hubby says, 'OH ....MY...GOD! You wouldn't believe how many layers of fat you have in there!'' — Lynn
  39. "Can you pop an extra stitch or two in there to make sure she's still tight." — Boleyn
  40. "Me: 'Omg did I...'
    Husband: 'Are you kidding? You don't smell that?" — Michelle
  41. Image Source: Columbia Pictures Corporation

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