There were countless moments during Gylisa Jayne's first year of motherhood when she found herself thinking, "Why did no one tell me about this . . . ?"
As she came across a number of these unpleasant surprises, the mom from England realized — over and over again — how little she actually knew about the truth of being a mom. She also discovered that she would've been better prepared if her midwife appointments involved watching a video of all of the truths left out of sex-education classes and what all of her mom friends didn't include in their Facebook updates.
In an effort to help prepare other expecting moms, she's speaking out by sharing her own major realizations. "No one told me that it's perfectly fine to admit you didn't 'love' your baby when it was fresh from the minge and being thrust at you. It's okay," Gylisa wrote on Facebook. "I felt the same way when I saw my placenta in that sick bowl — morbidly interested in what it looked like — but no thanks, I don't really fancy a cuddle with it."
In addition to that semihilarious, real-life tidbit and a relatable photo showing exactly what it's like to try and shave your legs when you have a toddler, Gylisa is arming her friends with an exhaustive list of the things nobody told her, but she wishes they had. Here are some of her findings:
1. "No one told me that stitches in your vag can actually hurt way more than birthing a 7lb baby."
2. "No one told me that breastfeeding DOES F*CKING HURT. . . . It is a sign of a bad latch if there is pain but it is also a sign that your nipnop is being aggressively sucked for (presumably) the first time."
3. "No one told me that EVERYONE will have an opinion on your baby — how to feed it, how to clothe it, how to name it, how to rock it, why you should only rock it for five seconds a day else it will be a spoiled little f*ck, and how if you aren't holding it 24/7 then you are clearly a sh*t mom."
4. "No one told me a polite way of telling said opinionated people to eff off."
5. "No one told me that I would really, honestly NEVER be alone again. This includes shitting, showering and shaving. Especially when they get older and find your shaving your fanny acutely interesting and you pray it doesn't scar them for life."
6. "No one told me that actually, once you get used to not being alone, you miss them when they nap because they are so cute."
7. "No one told me that pregnancy side effects last for ages . . . so essentially you are pregnant for like two years. Like an elephant. Which is how fat you feel now."
8. "No one told me that having a baby might make me hate my husband sometimes. That sometimes I really would prefer a cuddle with our baby. That it would feel unfair A LOT."
9. "No one told me that despite feeling like I couldn't do any of this, that I wouldn't know the first thing about motherhood, actually my instincts would not fail me, and everyone is winging it."