4 Things That Helped Me Have Great Pregnancy Sex

This article was originally featured on What to Expect, a pregnancy and parenting brand helping every parent know what to expect, every step of the way.

Unsplash | Andrea Bertozzini

It's no secret or surprise that being pregnant changes your body, sometimes temporarily and sometimes permanently. Some of the changes you can easily see — like a growing midsection — but other changes are way more subtle.

One of the big changes I experienced during pregnancy was a total lack of desire to have sex. My husband and I have always enjoyed each other, and we certainly worked hard to get pregnant (which was the inspiration for my post, "What It's Like to Have Sex 15 Days in a Row"). But once I saw the two lines on my pregnancy test, everything changed.

I blamed hormones and some terrible symptoms — like never-ending morning sickness — for my decreased sex drive. But there was something else, too: I just didn't feel sexy with my new curves. I guess you could say I lost my mojo.

I didn't want to hate sex, but there were more times during pregnancy than any other time in my marriage that I hated it. I wanted to have great sex again, so I made a few changes in an effort to find that spark again. If you're feeling the "blahs" during your pregnancy, here's what I did to change my perspective and get my mojo back:

1. I allowed myself to feel gross — but just for a moment. I won't pretend I loved all of my body changes during pregnancy, but I didn't allow myself to dwell on it. I gave myself one minute to feel like I was too large, too round...but then I stopped. I replaced those critical words with kinder ones and eventually they became more convincing.

2. I gave myself permission to say no. I felt bad when I would turn down my husband's advances, but once I allowed myself to not feel bad — though he never made me feel bad, my husband is a sweetheart — I felt less pressure. If I wasn't feeling well because the morning sickness was too strong, I said that. If I really just wanted a back rub, I said that. My husband was very supportive, and we learned new ways to be intimate together. And, almost always that relaxing back rub turned into something else.

3. I bought sexy lingerie. It's hard not to feel beautiful when you're covered (well, barely) in silk.

4. I focused on the pleasure. I know it's hard to not be hyper-aware of all the changes pregnancy brings, and those changes aren't always conducive to feeling sexy. But I forced myself to be present with how good sex felt and really enjoy the experience with my husband, leaving my worries and insecurities about my body behind.

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