What It Looks Like When You Don't Judge a Mom

While my kids and I are at the park, aka our second home, I notice a mom and her tiny tot walking along a nearby trail. As they slowly approach, it's obvious their destination is the play area. Right before setting foot on the playground, all hell breaks loose.

In one moment, her toddler is excitedly running with the biggest grin on his face, and the next, he's in complete hysteria. Buried within his screams and cries, I can make out some words, but it isn't until I witness the dramatic display of body language and gestures that I grasp an understanding of his meltdown.

He peed his pants.

He's become so intensely emotional and upset, he's entered the phase of that dreaded ugly-can-barely-breathe-hyperventilating-on-the-verge-of-dry-heaving type of crying. His unrelenting whines and yelling show no sign of letting up anytime soon. After all, he's a toddler, and this is the end of the world — similar to when you give them a sandwich with the crusts still on or their milk in the wrong colored cup.

In the most peaceful tone, this poor mom is trying her best to get through to him and calm him down, but despite her best efforts, he doesn't want to hear anything she is saying and he definitely can't be reasoned with.

Then it happens. She loses her shit. The volume of her voice has increased, significantly drowning out his. I hear a "CALM DOWN" and "RELAX" here and there, accompanied by a "YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE!" There's also a "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU HAD TO GO POTTY!" sprinkled in there. I might've even caught wind of a "SERIOUSLY, STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW!"

As I watch my children play and pretend not to notice what's going on, all I can do is feel bad. I feel bad for the little boy who is completely uncomfortable, wet, and has no control over his emotions. I feel bad for the mom and completely sympathize with her and the situation she's going through. She's frustrated. Her patience has been tried. She's been pushed beyond her breaking point. Not to mention, I'm sure she's feeling all the eyes on her as everyone can't help but to watch this sh*t show play out as if it was a spectator sport.

In hopes of helping, I go to my car and check to see if we have any spare clothes. Her son looks around the same size as my eldest. Of course, I have everything else in the world packed into my minivan, but not an extra outfit. Based on the amount of crap contained in our vehicle, you'd think we're doomsday prepping for an apocalypse — everything and anything, except an extra pair of shorts.

Soon a man — who I assume is the father and/or husband — arrives to save the day. With some underwear and shorts in his hands, the little boy runs over to him as they embrace each other with the biggest bear hug. Only then did his crying stop as he appeared to have calmed down. After his parents go to work in stripping off his damp bottoms and redressing him, he sprints toward the playground like before, and everything is as right as rain again.

As I watched him play with my boys, it's clear he was truly enjoying himself; their play was filled with laughs and smiles. You would've never guessed this little boy was in full emotional distress minutes earlier. Even with two toddlers of my own, I still find it amazing how quickly their mood can turn — for the good or the bad.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the mom saunter over after collecting herself and their stuff, and we began to engage in small talk. Her initial embarrassment quickly fades, giving way to more meaningful conversation. We enjoyed a few laughs, but more so, we enjoyed each other's company. I'm happy to have had the opportunity to meet her, and hope our paths cross again one day.

While watching the earlier struggle with her son, it would've been unbelievably easy to judge her. What a bad mom to react like that. What kind of mom yells at her child? Her poor kid is just upset. She should be comforting and consoling him, not getting mad and frustrated at him.

She wasn't a bad mom or a bad person, but rather a fellow parent who had a bad moment. I've been the mom in this story on a few different occasions — the reason for the meltdown was different as was the situation and location, but I've been there. Am I proud of it? No, but I can understand the struggle.

In these moments, I always wished to be greeted with compassion or sympathy, but rather was subjected to sanctimommies and mommy-shamers sending me unwelcomed side eye, dirty looks, and rude comments. I'm already my harshest critic; I don't need any extra pressure adding to my overwhelming amount of mom guilt.

Before becoming a parent, nothing can prepare you for those moments when your toddler is screaming uncontrollably in your face, unable to be reached or reasoned with regardless of how hard you are trying. When you take those classes before having a baby, this is the role play they need to put you through — not the unrealistic art of changing the diaper of a plastic doll that doesn't move, kick, or pee on you.

No parent wakes up with the intention of yelling at their kids and losing their composure. If only "how to" parenting was as easy in real life as it reads on paper. You can reference all the articles you've read or the latest method in perfect parenting — it'll never hold a candle to the real thing.

None of us are perfect. After all, we are only human. All of us are in this together, trying to raise our children to the best to our abilities.