3 Women Reveal What They Wish They Knew Before Starting Their Fertility Journeys

The path to parenthood can be complicated, unpredictable, and sometimes overwhelming. In fact, one in eight couples in the U.S. struggle to get and stay pregnant*. More people are being open about fertility and pregnancy, there's still so much information out there, it's hard to know where to begin.

To better understand the different journeys to parenthood, we spoke to three Group Nine Media staffers about what they wish they knew before starting their fertility journeys. From seeing a fertility specialist early on in the process to realizing that timelines don't go according to plan, keep reading for advice from these moms who have been there. Then, head on over to Fertility Out Loud to take action and find a fertility specialist in your area.

"You can't control time. It took almost five years from the time my husband and I decided we wanted to have a baby to when my son was born. In case (like me) you're not great at math, that's a heck of a lot longer than nine months. More than anything, the process taught me to forget about time, planning, and expectations — this wasn't something I could control or manage. Whenever we thought we were getting somewhere, a new setback or curveball would come our way. Some of them were devastating (like a failed embryo transfer during IVF) and some of them were enjoyable (like an international wedding), but they all threw off the timeline. Had I known it was going to take five years, I may have stopped trying so hard to force a schedule. And while I never would've wished for a late-August, so-close-to-the-school-cutoff birthday for my child, I'll be sure to explain to him that it was completely out of my control." — Dawn Davis, senior editorial director

"Fertility was never something I gave much mind to before I was married, but when I got pregnant with our son, Gabriel, suddenly it was all that I could think about. We were lucky enough to get pregnant almost as soon as we started trying. Everything was normal and healthy, so when our doctor asked if we both wanted to get genetic testing done, we thought to ourselves, 'Sure, why not?' I was 12 weeks pregnant when we found out that my husband and I were both carriers for a rare genetic disorder called Smith-Lemli-Opitz syndrome (SLOS) and that there would be a 25 percent chance our baby would be born with the disorder. Not only that, but their chances of survival would be very slim if they did carry the dominant gene. (To be clear: this isn't the same for all carriers of SLOS, just the cocktail of my recessive genes and my husband's.)

"The next few weeks were filled with worry and sadness as we pondered the outcome of our amniocentesis, but thankfully the results were negative and our son isn't even a carrier for the gene. That said, this is something we'll always have to think about as we plan for our next child. I'm so thankful that my doctor suggested genetic testing, because it's something we never would have thought to do otherwise, and now that we know our challenges ahead, we can plan accordingly. We will most likely explore IVF when it comes to baby number two. Embryo testing and selection will be the safest and healthiest way for us to move forward with another pregnancy." — Amanda Elser Murray, director of branded content

"I wish I knew that birth control can give you a fake cycle, concealing possible fertility issues. I also wish I trusted my gut and went to a fertility specialist earlier. After going off the pill in 2016, I expected to start my natural cycle up again a few months later. Six months passed, then a year, then two years, and it still hadn't returned. Working with my OB/GYN, I started taking hormones to kick-start it, but it wasn't working.

"After a few months of hormones, I went to talk to a reproductive endocrinologist. He was able to provide a diagnosis and a plan of action [quickly after] looking at hormone levels in my bloodwork. The treatment plan? Stop working out completely and eat as much as I can. For someone who used to run 20 to 30 miles a week, this was a tough pill to swallow, but I knew it would be worth it in the end.

"Four months (and about 20 pounds) later, my cycle returned. Two months after that, I was pregnant naturally, with no hormones needed!" — Lauren Winter, vice president of account strategy

*2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC

These stories reflect individual experiences with infertility and should not be taken as medical advice. Consult with your healthcare provider with any specific questions. US-RMMH-2100152