I Changed the Way I Dressed Because of a Guy and Here's What I Learned

I grew up on Staten Island — which often gets a bad rap fashion-wise (thanks a lot, Jersey Shore); but I tried my best to keep up with trends. I devoured fashion magazines, celebrity style, and spent a good portion of my lifeguarding money at the mall. I valued expressing myself through my personal — sometimes quirky — style, and all of this is likely why I work in fashion today.

My ex-boyfriend, however, along with many of his friends, weren’t a thing like me. They dressed in what was mainstream at the time: Ed Hardy shirts (I guess those graphic tees got a pass?) and "needed" to own the newest pair of Jordans. The girls they hung out with opted for sexy styles over anything. While I showed up to Winter house parties bundled in a coat and scarf (because, um, Winter), they wore minidresses and heels. It made me feel a lot like Tai from Clueless, struggling to make my shortalls and button-down look "hot," while they danced away in Cher’s tight white dress.

So when my ex’s sister told me I could raid her closet one New Year’s Eve, I chose a shirt that wasn’t very "me." The arms were cutouts, and the top portion was connected by chains — a far cry from the modest items I was typically drawn to. (I also embraced tons of bronzer that night, but that’s another story.) The compliments I received on my new look — especially from my ex — were endless, and I was later told I could keep the top. The transformation had begun. I vowed to dress sexier from then on.

Only sexy didn’t come easy to me. I love layering. I love neck scarves. I also really dislike being cold, which I ultimately realized standing in line at a club, nearly-naked, in the dead of Winter. “You can’t bring your coat,” my ex warned me, as I stared at it, longingly, in the back seat of the car. “No one’s wearing a coat.”

I was constantly struggling to find a balance between what was acceptable, excusing myself to the bathroom to take off tights (like I did with the outfit pictured) or borrowing items from my roommate when my own clothes seemed too covered-up. I just couldn’t stick to the basics. I had to add more — a blazer or a headband — which would later garner curious looks and jokes from my ex and his friends.

What likely ended my sad style saga was a combination of things. One, my relationship was totally unstable — full of fights and constant breakups — that my ex’s opinion began to matter less and less. It was also at a time when fashion blogs began getting popular, so I started my own small Wordpress and felt inspired to pull together quirky looks that, once again, expressed my personal taste. Lastly, I started interning in fashion and saw zero cutout, chain-connected shirts sitting on the racks and more of the fun (but probably less sexy) pieces I was into, like drop-crotch pants and desert boots. (Admittedly, 2010 wasn’t exactly the most stylish time).

So what did I learned from all of this? Never change your style for anyone. It’s what makes you you. If you like it, wear it. Make sure your special someone knows and accepts that. (My current boyfriend, pictured, definitely does!) And always bring a coat. The flu is never fun.