We Tasted All the Valentine's Day Conversation Hearts So You Don't Have To

We're sure there's someone out there who disagrees, but when it comes to Valentine's Day candies, a box of luxe chocolates will pretty much always trump the other holiday staple, conversation hearts. And yet, they pop up on shelves every year without fail. The question begs, are any of these cheeky candy hearts actually palatable, or do they just skate by on their kitchy, cute looks? We tasted all the versions we could find at our local Target — Sweethearts Candies, SweeTarts Hearts, Brach's Tiny Conversation Hearts, Brach's Gummi Conversation Hearts (all $3) — and ranked them from worst to best; the results might just surprise you.

The only redeeming quality of Brach's Tiny Conversation Hearts is their vibrant color palette. Otherwise they're chalky, one-note (sweet), and bland. One of our tasters put it thusly: "my heart said 'dare ya' . . . I dare you to try eating chalk."

★★☆☆☆

Sweethearts Candies barely edge out Brach's Tiny Conversation Hearts thanks to slightly more creative messaging like "pugs & kittens," "#love," and "let's read." Sadly, their flavor isn't much of an improvement; a few nostalgists defended these (they are the classic, after all), but for the most part we have to say: XOXO? More like XONO.

★★☆☆

While not as pretty as their compressed dextrose counterparts, Brach's Gummi Conversation Hearts are surprisingly good. These springy, tangy gummy hearts aren't the best gummy candies we've had, but they're perfectly acceptable.

★★★☆

SweeTarts Hearts taste exactly the same as classic SweeTarts, and we're certainly not complaining. The printed messages aren't quite as varied as with the other options, likely because they're engraved rather than printed, but they make up for it in spades by actually tasting delicious.

★★★★★