Here's What Your Sex Dream Is Really Trying to Tell You

So you just woke up. Your heart is pounding, you're slightly aroused (OK, really aroused), but also confused. You might ask yourself, "What the heck?" as many sex dreams can be misleading and send mixed messages. (Here's a bit more about what sex dreams can mean for you). Basically, if you are having a dream, think of it as a gift, where your shadowed self is expressing its inner emotions, anxieties, and fears onto your present self.

Of course, if that sex dream is about your SO, which isn't usually the case, then feel free to jump him or her in bed to finish the job. There are several benefits to getting it on bright and early, after all. But, if you're left scratching your head, unsure of why you dreamt something so personal, here are a few answers, as well as common sex dream scenarios, to clear things up.

Things might be a bit awkward in the office lounge the next day, but surprisingly, sex dreams that involve a co-worker are pretty common, says dream expert Lauri Loewenberg, author of Dream on It, Unlock Your Dreams Change Your Life.

"If you already have the hots for this particular co-worker, well . . . a cigar's just a cigar, and you are safely exploring the possibilities," she told POPSUGAR. "But if this is someone you wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole, fear not. Your naughty dream is either because you recently connected with that co-worker on some level or there is something about the co-worker you need to incorporate into yourself," says Loewenberg.

"Does he or she stay calm, cool, and collected under pressure? Does the boss really like him or her? Does he or she really know how to close a deal? Your subconscious may feel there is some quality they possess that would be beneficial to you if you were to take it on as your own," she says.

Don't freak out or call your ex to rekindle things. It's just a dream, and there's a reason you had it, unrelated to your ex.

"Was he your first love? Strangely enough, we continue to dream about our first loves, even if we've moved on into a happy marriage. Don't worry — it's not that you want him back; it's that you want what he represents back: excitement, bubbles, passion! You are likely to get these dreams when your marriage gets a little too routine and humdrum, as all marriages do from time to time," says Loewenberg.

Here's what's going on. "Your dream is using your ex to remind you of the passion that is still alive inside of you! These dreams are actually good for you and are alerting you to the fact that the passion department doesn't want to become a thing of the past. Might be a good idea to get thyself down to Victoria's Secret and buy something red and lacy," she says.

And, which exes might pop up the most? "The exes we tend to dream about the most are our first love, an ex we still have ties to because of children or other circumstances, and the ex that most recently broke our heart or was absolutely horrible to us. Dreaming of the ex that broke your heart, or that was horrible, can be a sign that you are stuck emotionally. These dreams are a clear indication that you have not healed, in which case the dreams will continue until you let go and leave the past in the past. It is impossible to move forward while you are still holding on to what is behind you," she explains.

"In the case of your boss, it is most likely power, authority, management skills, decision making, etc. that you need to merge into your own life," says Loewenberg. "Do you need to take on the role of boss at home and better manage those unruly kids? Are you facing a tough decision? Do you need to fire or get rid of a certain element, person, or behavior in your life? Or perhaps you simply need to merge with your boss psychologically in order to deal with a client or project," she says. These are the questions to ask yourself now. The message of the boss dream is: time to take charge! Being decisive and authoritative would suit you well now.

"I call this the 'mystery lover dream,' and it is the most common of all sex dreams. Many of us wonder if this dream is actually a glimpse of our soulmate who might be out there somewhere waiting for us. Alas, it is not so. But what is so is that the unknown, faceless man or woman that often appears in our dreams does indeed hold significance," Loewenberg says.

Our dreams have a cool way of showing us different parts of our personality in the form of a person, so we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and what makes us tick.

"That being said, the mystery lover in your dreams is the embodiment, the personification of the qualities we tend to associate with that gender. If you are a woman, the mystery man represents your male personality traits. You find yourself very attracted to the person in the dream because your dreaming mind wants you to be attracted to the qualities he or she represents that are already a part of you," she explains.

Merge these opposite qualities into your personality just as you merged your bodies in the dream, so that you can be courageous and take charge when you must and be tender and compassionate when you want.

First off, remember, it's just a dream. Your partner is not actually cheating on you. "These dreams can be infuriating, worrisome, and the cause of many a slap across the face first thing in the morning! As upsetting as these dreams can be, the good news is that they rarely indicate that your mate is getting pleasure elsewhere. They do suggest, however, that something (rather than someone) is taking the time and attention from your mate that you feel you deserve," says Loewenberg.

Something is beginning to feel like a third wheel in the relationship, like work, golf, or fantasy football. Once you pinpoint what that is, it's time to compromise. "Offer to give up or cut back on something your mate isn't a big fan of if he or she promises to cut back on the activity that is causing you to feel left out. If you both stick to the compromise, you'll find that the dreams will stop," she says.

No matter which celebrity makes a naughty cameo in your dream production, you can be certain your dreaming mind chose him or her for a very good reason. The best way to figure out why a celebrity is co-starring with you in your dream is to ask yourself what it is that that celebrity is best known for.

"Is it a character they have played on TV or in the movies? Can you relate that character or show to your life right now? Is it a song? If so, does the title or the lyrics speak to you right now? Whether you are a fan or not, there is something about that celebrity that your inner mind connects with and it uses that celebrity to convey a message to you, about you, so that you can continue to shine," says Loewenberg.