What Guys Learn About Sex in Their 20s
10 Sex Lessons Every Guy Will Learn in His 20s
According to the guys over at AskMen, there are 10 sex lessons to be learned by men in their 20s. They may not all be easy, but they're certainly crucial to growing up.
It's safe to say that sex changes from one decade of your life to the next. But, if we're doing things right, we learn more as we go along. If you start getting busy for real in your 20s, it's likely that you're going to pick up a lot more info than that shy teen version of yourself. With greater confidence and more experience, every instance is an opportunity to learn something; a sex lesson, if you will.
This can serve as warning to younger men, or a trip down memory lane for an older man. But one thing is for sure: you will relate. And the next time you slip into a comfortable situation with a woman, you may just begin to realize how far you've come.
10. Girls can be bad at sex
This is shocking for most guys. At first, the simple fact that you were both naked was all it took. Then there is that one girl who seems to be dangling from the headboard and shrieking profanities for no reason at all. It's not you. It's her. This is a very subtle shift that happens at this stage of our lives when we begin to allow ourselves to have likes and dislikes in bed, and not just gratitude. Well, we should still be grateful. But the bottom line is that she can be equally responsible if a hot date ends up turning into a sexual misfire.
9. You can talk about what you like
You can talk to her during sex? Yes. Yes, you can. You can even look her in the eye. Go one step further and you guys can talk about what each of you would enjoy or would rather the other never did again. How else is she supposed to know if she should speed up or slow down? Neither of you are mind readers. And once you open that line of communication in those first years of sexual dalliances, your sex life will get infinitely better. The 20s are about learning what you really like, and this ain't happening without some talk. Just don't be a chatterbox.
8. Women have orgasms, too
Let's face it. When you're younger, you couldn't care less. Then, suddenly, some girl says that she "never finished." As you walk home sheepishly, it dawns on you that this is about more than just you and your avoidance of blue balls. That walk can just serve as a metaphor for your 20s. The whole thing just became a team sport as opposed to a solo operation. You need to be looking out for her interests, too. If you can't handle that, the universe was kind enough to provide the Internet.
7. Fantasies aren't all they're cracked up to be
Our teen years are spent imagining all the things we would love to do to women and what we would love to have them do to us. Our 20s can be a sobering reminder that these fantasies can actually be painfully awkward — and just plain painful. You have to try things to learn what works, but this is a great example of something that you will start to get a feel for during those formative years. And the only one that will leave you with emotional and physical scarring.
6. Drunk sex can suck
I know. Seems impossible to imagine even being sober when you're having sex in your 20s. How am I even supposed to relax? But something changes along the way, and you start to notice that too much booze can make a great encounter quickly turn into an awkward and sleepy event. Many guys learn this after they pass out in the middle of sex and wake up to discover they're now alone in the bed.
5. Don't bang your friends' exes
In our teens, life is like summer camp. People are swapping makeout partners like the cast of Gossip Girl in the span of a single season. But as we enter our 20s, when relationships start to mean a little more, it's no longer cool to start hooking up with your boy's ex at the bar two weeks after she dumped him. This is part of growing up.
4. Women don't want pictures of your package
To be honest, some guys never learn this — and some women probably know it all too well. But for the most part, many men have learned the hard way that this can be a huge mistake (or small mistake, depending on the angle). Bottom line here: you will try it and you will learn what works for you.
3. Dirty talk can backfire
There is nothing more awkward than dirty talk that falls flat. In fact, at a younger age, we would probably avoid it completely, and some men never quite master it. But in our early sexual years, we learn the power of a poorly spoken sexual demand or request to ruin a moment. You can literally watch the vibe fly out the window — along with your youthful innocence.
2. Foreplay is mandatory
This doesn't mean she has to give you a blowjob. It means you have to make things happen before the main event. When we first start having sex with women, the act itself is enough for both parties to walk away satisfied (sometimes) and relieved that nothing went wrong (always). As we get older, though, we realize that there's much more to be done under the covers.
1. Don't brag
When you're in your teens, the simple fact that you've had sex can make you a king. But once you're a little older, nobody likes a big talker. You may even lose a chance to revisit the same lovely lady's bedroom after having told your friends how amazing you are at such things. A couple of soured opportunities and you learn quickly that braggadocio has no place in sex.
— Mike Sheppard
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- "What Feminism Taught Me About Being a Man"