We Need a Cultural Reset on Pegging

People have a lot to say about pegging. Is it homophobic? Is it a queer sex act? Does it count as a kink?

The term was originally coined by sex advice columnist Dan Savage in 2001. Savage put out a call to readers to vote on a term to describe anal sex between heterosexual men and women, specifically when a woman penetrates a man anally, typically via strap-on. After more than 12,000 readers responded, Savage settled on "pegging." Since then, articles, how-tos, pegging-specific sex toys, TV shows like "Broad City," and even political statements (as with Cara Delevingne's controversial "Peg the Patriarchy" Met Gala outfit) have popped up more and more into the collective culture.

But there's a fraught, often homophobic, underbelly to the term. In a 2017 article by Jade Aguilar, the scholar argues that the term represents an intentional rejection of gay sex and culture. "Part of the necessity of this word is to maintain the straightness of the man being anally penetrated, a sexual act that has been predominantly associated with gay men. In order for straight men to feel comfortable engaging in this 'gay' act (albeit between a man and a woman), new language was needed that disassociated it from gay sex and gay culture." Ultimately, Aguilar concludes that "pegging" as a concept upholds heterosexuality and masculinity as dominant ideologies.

But holding up homophobic stereotypes of what a "real man" enjoys wasn't an unintended consequence of Savage's poll. Readers knew exactly what they were doing. One woman wrote to Savage to cast her vote for the term "punting," saying: "My husband (like most straight men) can't break the connection between being fucked in the ass and being gay — but a gender-specific term might help! If you're gay and another man is fucking you in the ass, he isn't 'punting' you. You have to be straight to get punted. A woman has to do the job."

The reader wanted to preserve her husband's masculinity — and believed the only way to do that was to make one, specific kind of anal sex verifiably straight. There's nothing wrong with enjoying anal sex (it's great!), but when we assign anti-gay cultural norms to pleasure, we're going to have some problems.

More information about what pegging is, who it's for, and whether it's time to leave the term in the dust, here.

Pegging was created to describe a type of anal sex between cis people in a heterosexual relationship. The woman uses a strap-on and dildo to enter a man's anus. The term is most associated with married heterosexuals who maintain typical gender roles in their daily lives, ie the woman is feminine and tends to be more submissive, and the man is masculine and tends to be more dominant. There's a lot of emphasis on "flipping the script" for straight couples — meaning the woman gets a turn calling the shots, and the man must become more submissive. For some, the taboo of anal sex is attractive and could be considered a kink.

But, really, anal sex is just another kind of sex. There's nothing inherently kinky about penetration, especially not if pegging enthusiasts don't translate power play or role reversal into any other kind of sex. Even the idea that the penetrator is the more masculine or dominant partner (and therefore that anyone receiving internal stimulation is "passive") is problematic. If you enjoy anal sex with your partner that's great. It's one of life's many pleasures. But if you or your partner want to distance yourself from the queer undertones — or find yourself fetishizing those undertones — you probably need to think a little harder about why exactly it's turning you on.

Anyone can enjoy anal sex. For folks assigned female at birth (AFAB), anal sex is a great option for blended orgasm — which occurs with both internal and external (ie clitoral) stimulation. For those assigned male at birth (AMAB), anal sex is a great way to activate the prostate or "P-spot," which is located internally between the base of the penis and rectum.

Anal play is an amazing, gender-neutral sex act. If you're curious, try anal play during masturbation and use toys like a butt plug, anal beads, or vibrating anal dildo.

In a word, sex acts don't define sexuality. For many queer and trans folks, strap-ons, anal play, and toys are a normal part of the equation — but that's not why the sex they're having is queer. The type of sex isn't defined by the toys or tools you use, but rather by who is having sex and what that sex means to the people involved.

Basically, the sex you have is yours to co-create with your lovers. In my opinion, we don't need the word "pegging." You can find confidence in yourself, gender expression, relationship, and desire through anal sex — without putting down gay people.