7 Monster Men You'll See on Halloween

It's almost Halloween, and you're ready for a night out on the town! You're looking your best in a fab costume and might even find someone to impress. But you want to avoid the creeps who are trying to get into whatever pants you might be wearing Halloween night. Our friends at Never Liked It Anyway are giving us tips on how to avoid the guys who give you the creepies and crawlers.

On Halloween, ghosts, ghouls, and goblins come out to play. But the worst of these aren't the monster under your bed — it's the monsters that want to get into your bed that you need to worry about. Here's a handy guide to the frights you'll meet on Halloween. Don't let the masquerade of the night fool you into wasting your time on a monster of a guy!

"What are your hobbies?"

"Ugh."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"Nnn."

"Are you always this lively?"

"Mmm."

The Monosyllabic Reply Guy, better known as The Zombie, is the death of the party. No matter how you try to engage him in conversation, he is incapable of responding. And it's clear he's only hungry for one thing — and it isn't brains. Don't waste your time on this one.

Unlike the Zombie, to whom he is a close relative, Frankenstein's Monster is trying. Hard. He's your successful scientist cousin's pet project, AKA your sort of expected blind date. Which means you have to tote him around the party and try to make small talk. So he's trying, and you're trying, but it's just not working. He's not speaking your language. You're not speaking his. The best thing to do in this situation is to be honest, find a friend you genuinely think will enjoy his company, and move on with your night.

At first, he's perfect. Tall, dark, and handsome, with the vague pretentious air of someone who comes from some mysterious source of money passed through generations of shady business transactions. But as the night goes on, the veneer fades, and the diamond turns out to be cheap glass. He's not that great himself, but he constantly expects the world from you. He lives in his ancient family basement, but he turns up his nose at you sharing an apartment with five roommates. You try to pick up a glass of witches' brew and creepy cookies, but he wonders how you could possibly be on your fifth round of snacks. In short, he sucks all your energy. This guy is The Vampire, and he's all bad news. He may be rich and handsome, but he'll drain the life from you in short order.

Where did he come from? What does he want? Is he your cousin's girlfriend's guest? I didn't invite him. Who knows, but I think he's staring at you. It's creeping me out. Oh no he saw us staring back and now he's staring even more. Can we get an exorcist in here, please? The Ghost is just creepy. You're not sure why, but you think it has something to do with his unblinking stare and the pallor of death that clings to him like a mist. Just…no.

He's short, he can't stop joking, and he smells a bit musty. You've probably run into the goblin, whose modus operandi is to lower your guard by being The Jokester. Chances are he actually is harmless, but we're not keen on taking chances, especially on Halloween night.

He's cute and charming, if a little hairy. He's a wonderful conversationalist. He's been nothing but nice to your friends. When his mother called, he answered and spoke in an entirely respectful manner. If he's had anything to drink, you certainly can't tell. So what's the problem? If you're still getting bad vibes (or if your friends are, or even if you haven't yet), he might be The Werewolf. The Werewolf is tricky. Once he gets you alone, something flips the switch — a little lunacy, a comment he takes offense to, someone else encroaching on his territory — and he morphs into a complete dog.

There's no pretense with this guy. You know he's bad news, everyone else knows he's bad news, and worst of all, he knows he's bad news. That's what he's counting on — the allure of the forbidden. He's got no respect for anyone. He keeps doing something suspicious near the punch bowl. He's wearing shades that reflect a hint of fire and brimstone. He keeps making mysterious calls on a black prepaid phone. At least he's honest. That means you can take one look at this guy and make an honest pass.