21 Reasons You Should Have a Hot Summer Romance With Pizza
"The only thing more powerful than human touch is the touch of pizza to one's mouth," a wise Greek philosopher once said. Actually, I lied; I said that, but that doesn't make it any less true. This Summer is a great time to deepen your relationship with pizza. Humans can wait until later — they're way more needy anyways. Please read all the very vital reasons a hot romance with pizza is exactly what your body needs this season.
Pizza makes you feel confident.
This message is endorsed by Beyoncé.
Your mom will even love and approve of pizza.
You won't have to worry about what she thinks about your new flame because there are very few people in the world who do not adore pizza. BTW, people who don't love pizza should be imprisoned.
When you're sad, pizza will cheer you up.
Studies prove that pizza works as an antidepressant. Seriously, I read that on a Pizza Hut pamphlet.
Pizza is comforting.
You can even lay it on your shoulder when you're feeling chilly.
When one pizza leaves you, it's so easy to find another one.
Move that box to the left.
Pizza is easy to take vacations with.
You simply put it in your pizza-shaped satchel and you're on your way.
Everyone will be so jealous of you and pizza.
When you walk down the street with pizza, people will stop and stare.
You don't have to be paranoid about pizza leaving you.
You hold the power.
Proving your love to pizza is easy.
All you have to do is eat it, and it knows how much you adore its triangular figure.
You can send pizza late-night texts and it will automatically come over.
You won't even have to ask twice.
Pizza doesn't yell back.
So tell it what's on your mind, Pizza Queen.
Pizza will never question if you're ready for bikini season.
Because pizza is smarter than that.
Pizza is easy to love.
And if you start to feel like you don't love it, you can change it immediately. Can you do that with a person? No.
Pizza doesn't care if you drink.
In fact, pizza is especially good with alcohol along with it.
Pizza is so attractive.
It looks so good, it will put you in a trance.
You can tailor pizza to your desires.
If only humans worked that way . . .
You don't have to go looking for pizza all the time.
It is in your presence upon your demand.
Pizza even makes crappy songs sound better.
It's like your whole world sounds and looks better with pizza in it.
Pizza makes you feel like you can do anything.
Like shoot even more pizza out of your fingertips.
You will never mind bending over backward for pizza.
Because you know it will deliver in return.
Pizza doesn't compare you to others.
And you don't compare pizza to any other food because other food doesn't exist in your world.