Just Married vs. Just Divorced

Having been once "just married" and now currently "just divorced," I couldn't help but think of the differences and similarities between the two drastically different life stages!

Just Married: You're excitedly adding new "things" into your lives as Mr. and Mrs. or Mrs. and Mrs.! From crockpots to towels, everything is for the two of you!

Just Divorced: You're not-so-happily dividing your stuff up and really hoping to God your ex wants that ugly knickknack his or her mom got you when the two of you first got married. OR you're so glad you cleaned house, the two of you, and now only have what you really want — well, minus that Keurig!

Just Married: You're so excited about your brand-new name! Whether it's hyphenated, they took yours, or you made a new one, it's so amazing and blissful! People don't know what they should call you until you correct them a few times.

Just Divorced: You're so excited you got your old name back! OR you kept the married name. Either way, people don't know what they should call you until you correct them a few times.

Just Married: You can't wait to spend every minute with your new partner, or you're counting down the minutes until you can see your partner's face!

Just Divorced: You're so glad you don't have to spend a minute with your ex, and if you do see your ex, you typically count down the seconds until it's over! Unless, of course, you ended up as friends.

Just Married: It was so tiring planning the wedding, and now you feel you're completely ready to celebrate all your hard work, honeymoon style!

Just Divorced: It was so exhausting getting a damn divorce that you wish someone would pay for you to go on vacation, but since that's not a reality, you lie in bed with a glass of wine and wonder why people don't throw more divorce parties.

Just Married: Your friends are glad the wedding is over. They love you, but they're glad the wedding jitters and planning is done. They missed the old you. Speaking of which, your friends love your newlywed glow, but they can't wait to get some more face time with you. They miss their time with you. But, of course, they love your new partner in wedded bliss and are happy for you and this new chapter in your life.

Just Divorced: Your friends are so damn proud of you! Frankly, they worried about you during the process and are glad to be able to say you're done with that person! If the person wasn't a jerk, they'll secretly be a little sad for you but would never say it unless they knew you could handle it. Sometimes they don't know what to say and don't want to crowd your space.

Just Married: Everyone runs up to you to congratulate you on your wedded bliss!

Just Divorced: Everyone congratulates you on making it through!

Just Married: Work lunches and get-togethers are full of questions and photo sharing. Everyone wants to know how the big day was and for you to gush over your honeymoon.

Just Divorced: Everyone whispers about your situation, because would it be polite to ask if you got alimony? If you got the house? If you're sad or happy? The silence can be defeaning among strangers. Your friends and family know exactly what to say, though, so don't fret.

Just Married: Your family loves the new guy or gal in your life and considers that person "one of the family." OR your family can't stand the person and, therefore, makes your life hell from the second you say, "I do!"

Just Divorced: Your family is doing the happy dance you're done with that fool or jerk! OR your family is sad they lost someone they loved as much as you did.

Just Married: The sex is great! It's the same stuff you did a year ago, but it's blissfully connected, intimate, and orgasmically predictable! You two can't keep your hands off each other.

Just Divorced: The sex is masturbatory. A lot of masturbation. Make that a triple. OR the sex is awkward when you finally get a taste of the "strange" that very first time you have sex with someone other than your ex. OR the sex is hot and young. Well, the person is young, very young, but legal. No worries, Mom and Dad. Sometimes a lady just needs a partner who is unencumbered and comes without baggage. OR the sex is God awful. The person is clumsy and selfish, and you remember vividly why you hated dating in the first place.

Whether you fall into the "just married" or "just divorced" category, it's simply the next huge stage of your life. Make the most of it and seize what life has to offer you!