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Adding Romance to Marriage After Kids

6 Ways to Get the Romance Back in Your Relationship

When you're busy working on being the best parent possible, it's easy to neglect your adult relationship. Ashley H., for instance, says that after being with her husband for nearly seven years, their "love life is almost like a routine, and sometimes nonexistent." She asks, "How can I get the romance back into my marriage?" The experienced moms community says it's not impossible to get the spark back in your relationship, but it does take a little commitment. Here, they share six ways to rekindle your relationship.

  1. Spend Time Together
  2. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you want to put the romance back in your relationship, you have to actually spend time with the other person. After all, how can you get close if he spends all night on the couch while you go to bed early? Make it a point to spend time together after the kids are in bed, moms suggest. Amie T. recommends activities like playing video games together, watching movies, going for walks, or just cuddling together while talking. "The simple little things we do for each other just reaffirm our love for one another," she says of her relationship.

  3. Treat Every Night Like It's Special
  4. To get out of the rut of being exhausted after a long day of work and getting the kids to bed, Linda M. says, "change out of the flannel jammie pants and into a cute pair of boy shorts and tank or a pretty nightgown. Light the candles, set the mood, watch a movie, and do what comes naturally." Ary S. agrees, noting that it takes simple gestures to make the night seem special — these "little things can make a huge difference" in your relationship.

Click here for four more ways to get your va-va-voom back!

  1. Go on Regular Dates
  2. Many moms insist on going on regular dates with their partners. Tina R., for instance, hires a sitter and goes on a date with her husband twice a month. "Our family lives four hours away, or we'd use them," she says, noting that one date night is for just the two of them; the second date night of the month is shared with friends. She also recommends setting ground rules for the date, like dressing up and not talking about the kids, work, or house repairs while on the date.


  3. Get Away
  4. If you really want to kick-start your relationship, then more effort might be needed beyond the regular date night. In those cases, moms suggest you get out of your typical environment, so you don't have to look at the children's things and take a mental tally of everything that needs to be done at the house. For example, Brandi W. says that she leaves her kids with grandma one weekend a month, and she and her husband head to a hotel. "Everyone will tell you that you need a date night. However, we have found that one weekend, once a month, is much better!"

  5. Have Sex
  6. Having sex can bring you closer. As she suspects is the case with many men, Lana A. says, "my husband thinks romance = sex," so she makes sure she is eager to show him she cares. It may sound basic, but having sex works, Juniper M. says. After a year of feeling more like she had a roommate than a spouse, she and her husband rekindled their marriage by "pushing themselves to enjoy each other sexually." She admits that prior to making a commitment to having sex more often, sex often seemed like a chore because she was preoccupied with not waking the kids. But adding new things, sounds, positions, etc., to the sexual repertoire "helped make it new again."


  7. Go Out of Your Way to Let Each Other Know You Care
  8. A relationship can easily slip into a boring routine if you're just giving your mate a perfunctory kiss whenever you leave for work and not putting much more effort into it. To bring the romance back, "go out of your way to let one another know you care and love them," Nikki S. says. This could mean giving the other person a few hours to himself, buying chocolate to cheer someone up, or telling them they are beautiful even if they haven't showered or slept in two days and have a sick child hanging off of their hip. "Anything that gives you that fuzzy butterfly feeling" can help, she says. After all, Amber N. adds, romance is anything that makes your partner feel good about themselves and lets them know you love and cherish them.

Image Source: Thinkstock
Join The Conversation
TeaWilliams TeaWilliams 3 years
Hi 27 year old wife and mother of 4 kids here.My Husband and i hardly get to see each other you see he works nights and when hes home in the day he has to get sleep so iam with the youngest ones ages 2 next month and 3 1/2.when we finally do get to see each other it is either an argument or a quickie and i feel like iam wasting away our marriage we are also going through the blended family thing i have a daughter from a previous and he has a son from a previous they are both 6(also he his going through a custody battle with his sons mom) and its just crazy around here.i feel that our communication is completely out of whack money is tight and there are not many times we can spend together because of our conflicting schedules i thought i had it all together but now i see myself going down a miserable road even with all joy i see in the children the joy between my husband and i are gone our convos are just cut and dry and the only time we seem happy is when we are being intimate i don't think that is healthy help iam losing it i don't know what to do next i feel that i should be trying harder but then again sometime i feel like it is not worth it i i rush into marriage too quick? again help.i need emotional stability and im not getting it am i being selfish?
Ann14951667 Ann14951667 3 years
I believe there may be also a powerful external variable that may affecting relationships, usually in a more negitive way. i feel this needs to be understood by both mates to help maintain a better relationship. I feel men as individuals have a collective view of women in terms of different values such as trust, hurt, love, threat, etc. I feel women as individuals also have a collective view of men as group according to their perceptions of love, hurt, threat, trust, etc. Like I said, I feel these values of the other gender as a group while hopefully positive will tend to have usually more negative effects. I feel with the media and it use of power and control along with various other manipulations of charcters, along with various real changes in society we need to find out what our mate's views are to some extent so as to work against such views. I feel if there is more distrust, feelings of hurt, etc. this may create much less tolerance for error for their friend or mate. I feel there are big changes in progress in society in terms of power, control, treatment, and respect of others. I feel unless this area of relations is examined, many close friends and marriage mates may be missing out on correcting many of those possible lower tolerances for error allowed by the other person.
Katrina2012 Katrina2012 3 years
This was a good article, I am surprised at most of the responses, they are very negative. The whole point was that it takes some effort from both partners to rekindle the love and passion. So many posts here have commented that it's all up to us women, but I re-read the article and they are gender neutral except for the one with the nighty. Perhaps they are feeling defensive and are dismissing the article to make themselves feel better. My hubby and I went through a slump when the kids were smaller, and we made a real effort and it's much better now. I will take the weekend away each month idea from the article and suggest it to him, as date nights can be tricky to organise sometimes.
Elissa1371151132 Elissa1371151132 3 years
Very good advice here. I believe in all of them, but don't seem to have the time to do any. Love and relationship, like our jobs and kids, can be a lot of work but we have to put the work in to get something back out. I understand that sometimes it can feel like a one way street, but don't lose heart, when we stop looking for them to 'pay us back' and give from the heart our lives will be better, i promise.
Pamela15082508 Pamela15082508 3 years
These sound good; but like someone else commented, most are put on the woman to initiate. I married a man who seemed romantic in the dating stage. Now he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. I try to initiate these things to no avail. Nothing works. I feel so depleted.
MelyndaPingal MelyndaPingal 3 years
It does get so tuff to get/ give romance into ur life when kids are screaming, dinner needs cooking and laundry needs folding, but those tiny moments u share with ur guy are so important. Don't get lost in every day tasks without stopping 2smell the roses.Learn live laugh luv
Rhiannonf34 Rhiannonf34 3 years
I love how all these suggestions put the responsibility on women. It's a little difficult to rustle up some passion when you are running ragged all day while the hubs just sits on his ass watching TV in ratty tee and boxers, farting up a storm. Why don't men seem to understand that if they put forth a little effort, sex may not seem as much like a chore?
AdeleWeinstein1384350070 AdeleWeinstein1384350070 3 years
My husband and I have been married 31 years and we are now empty nesters. For years, we have an ongoing routine of reading in bed and being very close to each other. Even though, when the kids were little, we would just sit beside each other, my husband would massage my feet or stroke my legs and it would be enough until we could reconnect when the kids fell asleep.
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