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Adoptive Mother's Message About Being a Real Parent

Mom's Message to Woman on Facebook Who Told Her She Isn't a "Real Parent"

There are many ways women become moms, but the way you became a child's mama has no effect on how "real" of a parent you are. That's why when one woman's mom status was questioned by someone on Facebook, she felt the need to clap back to let her know just how wrong she is.

"A woman on Facebook tried to tell me I wasn't a real parent since I didn't give birth," wrote Reddit user vietnamazinggg. "My response to her: I did not give birth to my child. I did not get to feel him growing within me, or hold him against my skin when he was born. Perhaps by your definition, my child is not a part of me — he does not resemble me or my wife."

Although this mom and her wife adopted their son, she has plenty of thoughts on what it actually means to be a mother, aside from giving birth to your child.

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Let me tell you what being a parent is to me. I didn't labor for hours for this child, I labored for YEARS. I waited for years to be told that we had been chosen, that we were finally going to be allowed to be parents. I didn't feel labor pains. I felt the incredible pain of emptiness in my heart and home as my wife and I yearned to begin our family through adoption. I didn't get to wake up in the middle of the night and nurse my sweet child. I did, though, spend many nights lying awake and praying to whomever might be listening to let us be next. Asking myself why we hadn't been chosen yet. Poring over adoption profiles and sending endless email inquiries on children available for adoption and being told no, no, no over and over again.

And like you said, "you can't possibly understand that feeling." I feel certain you have absolutely no idea. . . . Not every child is yours or a "part of you" because you grew it inside of you. My child will always be a part of me, because we're fighting for this life together.

Her profound argument on motherhood has received a number of positive comments from both those who support her speaking up for herself, as well as those with adoptive or step-children who have been through similar situations. And if you didn't have enough time to read through everything this mom had to say, she has a handy TL;DR for everyone (though mostly, I imagine, for the woman who originally questioned her): "F*ck you. I'm a mom."

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