8 Smart Ways to Ease Your Toddler's Separation Anxiety

Most kids take a little while to get used to a new situation, so it's no big surprise that day one at a new day care or nursery school incites tears. If possible, simplify the transition by making a before-school visit to meet the teachers and explore the classroom. With Mom or Dad comfortably close at hand, your little one can gather the gumption to explore the new surroundings. Still worried? Brainstorm with the teacher about strategies that might stem separation anxiety flare-ups, like letting your honey wave by the window while you hop in your car.

To ease the pain of parting, let your little one keep a piece of you with her all day — like a scarf or a hankie that smells of your favorite perfume or an inexpensive pendant from a necklace she's seen you wear. Or give her a piece of her own "good-bye jewelry." Tie a special string bracelet around your wee one's wrist, then kiss it and tell your toddler, "I'm filling this with my love." When she feels stressed from separation anxiety, she can touch or kiss the bracelet to get an instant dollop of Mom love to see her through the day.

How parents say good-bye can determine their toddler or preschooler's reaction. So as tempting as it may be, don't wait for your child to get distracted and then sneak off without a hug and a kiss. For some kids, looking up to find that you've already gone can leave them feeling even more alone. Instead, keep your good-bye short and to the point with a snappy hug, a peck on the cheek, and a "See you soon, buddy!" Even body language can convey that you're just as sad as he is, so stand up straight and smile. It's your way of saying, "You're going to have an awesome day!"

Assemble a mini photo album stocked with pics of the people and things your pipsqueak misses most during the day: Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters, his Lego set, his dog. Then ask his teacher to let him leaf through it when separation anxiety strikes. While it sounds counterintuitive (won't that just remind him of all the reasons he has to be sad?), seeing all those familiar faces can comfort a kid who's missing Mom and remind him that he'll get to see his favorite people at the end of the day.

Your preschooler's been happily skipping off to class for months. Now all of a sudden she sobs when you say good-bye. What gives? Occasional regressions into preschool separation anxiety are often triggered by a change, like a beloved teacher going on maternity leave. To calm your small fry's fears, solidify the rest of your morning routine by making a picture chart that shows exactly what she'll be doing to get ready for school. If anything will be different about preschool, like a field trip, warn your child in advance. Showing her that some things never change will help her handle transitions at school.

A kid who flips out every time you walk out the door makes it nearly impossible to, well, walk out the door. But that might be just the key to making your little one feel better at drop-off. Try small see-ya-laters, like walking the dog while your partner's in charge, or heading out for a short date night. Helping her see that your bye-bye doesn't always mean an eight-hour separation may make her more willing to see you leave from day care or preschool.

Sometimes, the only thing that can pull you away from your peanut is the fact that you have to get to the office. Giving your toddler his own job at daycare might help him feel similarly invested in his "workplace." Talk with the teacher to come up with a morning role for your separation anxiety-prone child, like welcoming other kids, passing out toys, or shutting the door as adults leave. Becoming a helper might make him feel more in control of his life at day care, which can give him the confidence to move on with his day without you.

Even though it may feel like your child is the only one barricading himself against the daycare doors, you're not alone. Reading classic books that tackle school separation anxiety, like Anna Dewdney's Llama Llama Misses Mama or Audrey Penn's The Kissing Hand, will not only give you and your little one a way to talk about how it feels to be apart, but it can spark new ways to deal with it. Once your sweetie knows the story, try telling him each morning, "I always come back, just like Mama Llama does."

Related: