Skip Nav

Should You Go Dutch on a Date If You're a Feminist?

Going Dutch: Can You Have Your Free Cake and Feminism, Too?

You're on a date and it's going really well. So well you haven't even glanced at your phone. You're laughing. Smiling. Butterflies are fluttering. As you suck the last few sips of your vodka soda from your cocktail straw, from out of nowhere it hits the table:

The check.

You both look at it. You do the polite thing and reach for your purse. He doesn't stop you. Now you're taking out your wallet. Still nothing. Now you're opening your wallet, thumbing for the one card that actually has money on it. Still nada. You put the card on top of the bill. Heart racing, brain trying to calculate how much money you actually have in your bank account. You're now starting to regret every time you ever accepted an Uber surge charge last weekend.

But it's too late. You just went dutch. And you feel dirty. Sure, you'd like to consider yourself a feminist. Which no, Mom, is not a dirty or outdated word. You believe in gender equality. And yes, splitting a check would by definition be gender equality. But can you be a feminist and have chivalry too, or do you have to choose?

I'm not saying women shouldn't go dutch or should not mean it when you offer to split the bill. But on the subject of gender equality, should you be expected to pick up half the tab, when we still get paid 75 cents to every dollar a man makes?

Not to mention the money that went in to making you look presentable for this date:

  • Makeup
  • Hair products
  • Haircuts and coloring
  • Tampons
  • Spray tans
  • Clothes
  • Shoes
  • Purse
  • That nice wallet that keeps that credit card safe

Not to mention how expensive it is to go to the ob-gyn even after insurance. With all that in mind, is it equal for us to split the bill, when you consider all the other expenses we have for just simply having a vagina?

I don't mean to rant (which I realize I am doing). I'm all for women picking up the tab (when they can). I'm also against being that type of girl who expects guys to pay for everything, even the small things. When I'm in a relationship, I try my best to pick up things like brunch, valet, drinks, whatever I can contribute. And it was probably me divulging this fact that made my date think it was OK to accept my credit card when I did the wallet grab. Which I think makes him my new boyfriend?

Instead, let's think about check ethics this way: whoever asks out should pay.

If he asked you out and picked a place, then he should fund the date. Much like how you would not tell your friend that you want to take them out for a birthday brunch, and then expect them to pay for their mimosas and baked eggs.

What do you think about splitting the bill? Can we have our free flourless chocolate cake and our feminism, too?

Image Source: Shutterstock
Latest Money & Career