I Wouldn't Have Been Able to Provide For My 2 Children Without My Abortion

This article is part of POPSUGAR's 50 States, 50 Abortions, a large-scale storytelling project that aims to elevate the voices of people who've had abortions. For more information about how to find an abortion clinic near you, please visit The Cut's abortion service finder.

I found out I was pregnant when I missed my period at 23 years old. I was devastated because I already had two children, and I was a young, single mother.

I'd taken a test in the bathroom stall at school. I was in my junior year of college at the time. My first thought was, "I cannot take care of the two children I already have. So I definitely can't take care of three children." I called my partner and told him, and he said, "Well, whatever you decide to do, I'm OK with it." So I called EMW Women's Surgical Center and made an appointment.

This was in 1999, and during that time, there was a waiting period. I remember that my doctor also had me listen to the ultrasound. I also ran into a financial roadblock when my partner changed his mind about the abortion. He'd given me the money for the ultrasound, but when it was time to go back and pay for the rest of the procedure, he wouldn't help pay for it. Luckily, my best friend gave me the rest of the money; it was about $650, I think. At the time, I hadn't told any of my family.

As far as the process goes, you're in a waiting room with all of these people who you don't know. And they call you back one by one. You see the doctor, then you go back out into the room and wait for a little while. When they call you back to actually do the procedure, they put you to sleep. And then you wake up. You don't remember anything. You don't know what the hell is going on — it's like a brain fog because of the anesthesia. And you're extremely sore. When you wake up, you're sitting in a chair. They give you some crackers or cookies and a little cup of juice. Then they have you call whoever's going to pick you up if they haven't stayed there (they're not supposed to leave, but it happens), and you walk out. I found it very procedural and extremely impersonal.

My best friend didn't have kids of her own. So she took me home that day and pretty much hung out with me and the kids for the rest of the day until they went to bed. Emotionally, I had made my peace with it already and moved on. Physically, it took about 24 hours to recover.

If I had to do anything differently, I wouldn't have had the anesthesia. Later, I had to have another abortion, and this time I went to Indiana because it was cheaper there. The clinic I went to didn't do anesthesia, and it was like a 10-minute procedure. I didn't feel anything but a pinch. And there was no fogginess or anything. I found out that the actual procedure isn't what you really have to recover from; it's the anesthesia.

The first abortion I had was in 1996, also in Kentucky; I was 20 years old. At the time, I was with a much better partner, and I would have actually been OK with keeping it. But he was the provider, and he was like, "We can't afford it." I was in school still, doing work study, making maybe $7 an hour. I had two kids in day care and was getting $15 a week in child support. So I was relying on my partner for quite a bit, and I'm grateful that abortion was an option.

When I heard that Roe v. Wade was overturned, my first thought was, "How can they decide to have control of our bodies when they don't want to control guns?" My second thought was, "Well, we knew this was coming eventually." And I guess my third thought was, "We gotta keep fighting until we get it right — until they get it right."

If the restrictions that are now coming into place in Kentucky had existed in my situation, I would have made the same decision to have an abortion. The situation wouldn't have been any different: I wouldn't have been able to provide for my children. And regardless of what mistakes I made, my main concern was making sure that my children were OK.

I have shared my story in public before, and I do so because I feel like we shouldn't have to tell these personal stories. It's our bodies, and it should be our right. I get that freedom isn't free. But freedom should be for everyone.

— Anonymous (she/her) (Kentucky), as told to Alexis Jones

Image Sources For "Click For Stories From Each State": Unsplash / Aaron Burden, Getty / Sergii Iaremenko/Science Photo Library, Unsplash / Manik Roy and Photo Illustration: Patricia O'Connor