How This Dad's Struggle to Bond With His Daughter After Birth Made Him a Better Father

When 3-year-old Lola was first born, things didn't go exactly like her dad expected. Patrick O'Malley didn't instantly bond with the newborn sleeping in front of him and worried what this lack of connection with his first child meant that he had already failed as a father.

But luckily for Patrick, and the little girl he utterly adores, Patrick's feelings quickly developed and Lola is undeniably the center of his universe. Instead of being ashamed about his parenthood journey, the doting father from New Zealand, who has since welcomed a baby boy, wrote a raw letter to his little girl explaining the start of their relationship. He shared the powerful note with the Daily Mail to let other parents struggling to know that they aren't alone and as a reminder that the most beautiful relationships can develop with time.

"If I had known how much I would grow to love you I would have tried to capture the moment of your birth eloquently," he began. "It was long, we were tired and you did not want to come out. I remember being so terrified … If only I had known how much I would love you."

While his honest account is addressed to Lola, it's also for any father or mother who has failed to immediately connect with the new life they brought into this world. "Then you were home I didn't know what to do. Some parents instantly fall in love and others take some time for that flame to alight," he reflected. "Is that an awful thing to say? Or is it so expected that we feel an instant connection with our children, that society puts us in a position of feeling like an inadequate person?"

But despite being terrified during her birth and the confusing whirlwind of emotions that ensued following her delivery, Patrick has since learned the truth. "I was afraid to have a girl, I didn't know what to do with girls. Was I going to be a good parent? My male role model hadn't been a positive addition in my life, can I be a positive influence in hers? A million thoughts, feelings and emotions clouding my vision. Subtracting away from this miracle," he wrote. "If only I had known what would make my heart explode. Make tears well in my eyes, make my throat contract as I swallow this bulging lump."

According to the Daily Mail, Patrick decided to write the letter one night after reflecting on the growth of their relationship and realizing how his unrelenting worry and fear seamless blossomed into pure love. "When did I fall in love with you? From the moment I first met you. I just didn't know it yet," he concluded. But despite the uncertainty, there's one thing he knows for sure: 107,048,700 seconds. 1,784,145 minutes. 29,735 hours. 1,238 days. 177 weeks. 88 fortnights. 40 months. 3 years. This is how long I have loved you."