How My Love of Alcohol Actually Improved My Hair — Really

The claim: OK, I'll admit: I first picked up a bottle of Boardroom Vodka because I'm a big fan of martinis. While such happy-hour shenanigans can lead to me to dread the next morning's alarm, I was hoping that this spirit could keep my hair as crystal clear as this bottle's packaging. Since the drink lowers your skin's pH, it's theorized that it will close your hair follicles and reduce frizz.
Does it work on your hair? Hell no. Though vodka did kick my frizz to the curb, it took out all of its moisture, too. Drink it all you want — responsibly, of course — but keep it far away from your hair. If you do want to test out this theory for yourself, I would recommend just adding a dash of vodka to your conditioner, rather than rinsing your whole head with it. I might have just used too much.

The claim: Beer rinses are totally a thing, as the drink is packed with strengthening proteins. I had a fridge full of Peronis — call it fate. At the suggestion of our friendly internet, I mixed this Italian lager with an egg white, as both are packed with proteins that can revive damaged strands.

Does it work on your hair? Oh yes it did. My brave head of hair, which has been subjected to an assault of bleach this past year (so much so that our senior beauty editor shamed me for it here), is brittle and dry. I used this mask two Sundays in a row, and it became glossy and soft. Just call my three foot-long shower the next Drybar.

If you don't want to use the stuff from the liquor store, this Bröö Color Crazed Detangling Drops ($6) contains real beer, and it works just like your beloved No More Tangles. Since the craft beer contains vitamin B, proteins, and minerals, it keeps things looking shiny and healthy. Plus, it won't do you dirty like the drunk dude who accidentally spilled his Bud Light over you last week at the bar did. It smells fruity and fresh, so no one will know your hair is drunk AF, man.

The claim: Simply put, I tried this because I have nothing but respect for my president, Robin Wright. When I learned the House of Cards actress/my pretend mom uses bubbly to keep her blonde hair from getting brassy, I decided to do it for myself, too. Truth be told, I'm not much of a bubbly drinker (it gives me headaches), so I used a bottle of Veuve Clicquot that had been sent as a gift, much to the chagrin of my astonished friends who told me the label is much too luxe to waste on your hair. I'm worth it (insert beautiful hair flip here).

Does it work on your hair? Just before blow-drying, I used a spray bottle to spritz the champ on my hair. It gave my hair a luminous effervescence without weighing things down, and unlike lesser products, the look held all night.

Cuvée Beauty was founded when Rachel Katzman noticed how an impromptu Champagne shower at her 21st birthday gave her the best looking hair of her life. The brand now sells an Essential Booster ($62), which is a powerful frizz-fighter that stood up to a truthfully disgusting night of dancing out in Hoboken, New Jersey. Cheers!