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1970 JC Penney Catalogue

Absolutely Hilarious JCPenney Catalog From 1977 (You HAVE to Read!)

My friend just emailed this to me and everyone in my office has been laughing for 20 minutes straight:

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:


Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you!

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened — or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this — Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. F*ck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.

leatherhandbag leatherhandbag 6 years
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BrockSamson BrockSamson 6 years
There's a new book:
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Larzstar Larzstar 8 years
Funny thing you obviously didn't think about what your wearing today will look just as ridiculous 30 years from now. Or that those from that era look at what your wearing and think you dress just as bad as you talked of the fashions back then.
grejsi grejsi 8 years
I loved seeing this! I agree the clothes are hilarious and look really bad, in fact I'd be willing to help any of those male models out of their clothing.
coredneck coredneck 8 years
The gentleman with the blue shirt with the tiny tie that acts as a "pull tab" for access to chest hair. He kind of looks like Lee Majors, a big stud at the time in the 1970's especially with the TV show 6 Million Dollar man. On the barrel chairs, a neighbor had those in their house. I remembered playing board games at the table but the table was different. They also had a bar in the house as well. I remembered people at the time having those toilet seat covers but I don't remember the colors but they are a pain to deal with. Lastly, the last picture, what an outfit ! Thankfully polyester is pretty well out but I sometimes still see it. Give me my blue jeans any day along with sweatshirt/t-shirt.
markalix markalix 9 years
ooohhhh such a great information... you can find more about JCPenney here
PandoraWilde PandoraWilde 9 years
I'm suing y'all, for burning my eyes out of their sockets.
oceangirl oceangirl 9 years
I heard they are trying to bring the catalogue back. definitely great for a time capsule!
glam-sugar glam-sugar 9 years
OMG! That bathing suit one is the best!!! :ROTFL: __ “Fashion fades, only style remains the same.” —Coco Chanel
Summathis Summathis 9 years
That is the MOST fantastic think I have ever seen this morning since 10am! Its a shame I wasn't around then, I TOTALLY would've rocked the terry cloth jumper!
trixydisco trixydisco 9 years
OMG! Your commentary paired with the ridiculosity that is 70's fashion almost made me pee my pants!!
outofhere outofhere 9 years
:ROTFL: I haven't laughed this hard in ages!!!! I have no words, I'm too busy wiping the tears out of my eyes... Thanks :)
phyll44 phyll44 9 years
Thanks so much for the Penny's book, I loved looking at the pictures... we use to look that way...
Shoe-Diva Shoe-Diva 9 years
I remember the 70's well, but luckily, don't remember anyone I knew who wore these clothes! :ROTFL: You know the funniest thing? Believe it or not, 35 years from now there will be people laughing at all of the fashion trends of today, saying...can you believe people wore that crap? :ROTFL:
JeansandTs JeansandTs 9 years
OMG this is sooooo funny!! ROFLMAO
burnsjl burnsjl 9 years
It's funny the things we gave away that we now wish we had. I gave away all my platform shoes from the 70's except for one pair. A few years ago, I saw the exact same shoes selling for $150 on a vintage clothing website...but I'm not parting with them! Once in a while I try them on and wonder how I ever walked in them.
nuttywife2003 nuttywife2003 9 years
I shit you not that is my grandparents table that they had in there basement for many many years until they died. We sold it in an auction and now I wish we had it still. I wonder how much it is worth now. Wow it is old. Thanks for the memories.
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
btw ishkabibble, calm down we respect the fashions its just mildly amusing that anyone would actually wear matching cowboy outfits in public or even outside the bedroom LOL How do you do it? Make me feel like I do.. How do you do it? It's better than I ever knew...
KathleenxCouture KathleenxCouture 9 years
Yeah she's definately checking out his package my caption for that bathing suit pic: "Woman: WOW, nice trunks ;) Man: I thought you'd like it. now take yours off and let me ravish you" How do you do it? Make me feel like I do.. How do you do it? It's better than I ever knew...
Rachie-Rees Rachie-Rees 9 years
To think that was the style of the day, when we first existed, we have come along way and our parents would have worn these being the fashion of the time, at least times have changed majorly since! " All Things work together for good for those that love God and are called acording to his purpose " Rachie Rees
liladdieshudiva liladdieshudiva 9 years
OMG! People actually wore those clothes.
mjcook mjcook 9 years
I really needed a pick me up this morning! :)
Orchid23 Orchid23 9 years
hahaha, I wonder how younger generations judge our style tastes from today's current JC Penny's - Orchid23
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 9 years
we have come a long way fashion wise...
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