Serious Question: How Many Times Can Dwayne Johnson Possibly Cheat Death in Rampage?

In the beginning of the film, Davis gets hit on the back of the head with a large beam. For us mere mortals that would probably mean a concussion at best, and a brain injury at worst. But this is Davis Okoye we're talking about — he's back on his feet almost immediately. No scratches, no blood. I guess it makes sense that you wouldn't want to kill off the main character at the start of the film, right? I'll just let this one pass.

OK, how does Davis manage to save Dr. Kate Caldwell (Naomie Harris), Harvey Russell (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), and himself from a burning airplane 32,000 feet in the air in a matter of seconds? (And does doing so instantly qualify you for the Olympics?) He's able to miraculously find parachutes and strap everybody in, but 32,000 feet is pretty high up, don't you think? And that landing is perfect — almost too perfect. I don't know how he does it, but I do know I'll be packing him in my carry on bag for all future plane rides, just in case.

Wow, the fact that Davis can jump right through a glass window — out of a high-rise building, I might add — and land on the street without any broken bones proves he's basically one of the Avengers. Is he even human? Maybe he was genetically modified, too?

I know what you're thinking: "I came here to read about Rampage, a movie about giant monster animals, and so far you've barely mentioned any giant monster animals." That's fine — I was just saving the best for last. To be honest, the appearance of these genetically-mutated creatures is just the icing on this death-defying cake.

How does Davis, a normal human being, manage to survive a fight between not one, but three 30-foot animals? And not just any animals, but a gorilla, a wolf, and a crocodile? A freakin' CROCODILE? As I've said many times before, I don't have the slightest idea. But unsurprisingly, Davis is able to take on all three animals at the same time and come out unscathed.

If someone can let me know what he has for breakfast each morning (green juice? Horse pill-sized vitamins? Gasoline?) that would be great. In the meantime, I'm going to go back to the theater and watch Davis do it all over again.