How I Stopped Being Jealous of My Son's Relationship With His Dad

Of the tiny creatures who live in our home, the only one who prefers me is Scout, our large and lazy tuxedo cat. Both my son and our other cat make no effort in hiding the fact that my husband, also known as Dad, Dada, or "human who pets me," is the overwhelming favorite. Putting the cat's love aside, what has really frustrated me is that despite having given birth to the kid, it feels like my son loves his dad more.

It's with a twinge of irony that the person who has gone through all the pain of childbirth, and the one whose stomach has more stretch marks than I'd care to admit, is second fiddle to the parent who didn't have to wear a mumu for nine months.

From the beginning, my son has preferred to be in the company of his Dada. I'm not saying that I'm not loved and adored, because I know that my son enjoys being with me too. However, for every little action, event, trial, and tribulation, he would rather have his dad there. If it's a boo-boo that needs kissing and both of us are in the room, he'll practically leap out of my arms to go to his dad. From reading bedtime stories to riding on swings, to my son, Dada is king. I can't even tickle him the right way, because if I try, I get a firm, "No, I want Dada."

This used to bother me. A lot. Like, crying after he goes to bed, or getting frustrated at my poor husband for being the one our son would jump to. Then I realized what his preference for his dad really meant.

Jealousy is not a feeling I'm particularly fond of, and even when I think about all the wonderful reasons why it's OK that I'm not the favorite, I still get little pangs of envy. Parenting isn't a competition to see who can raise the kid better. We're a team, and at the end of the day, we both play our own unique role for the sake of our child. It's this thought that makes that little jab of jealousy feel not as painful.

My son, that tiny creature whom I love more than anything in the entire world, has a person in his life who makes him feel special and amazing. He has someone who no matter how hard he falls, or how upset, or how desperate for a laugh he gets, will always be there for him. Just by existing, my husband makes our son's world better.

My husband and I each have our own way of interacting with our son that is entirely unique to us. Our toddler likes to sit in his dad's lap for cuddles, he'll roughhouse on the couch, and always want to be carried. With me, he holds my hand as we take walks and he "tells" me about his day. We go on adventures, explore playgrounds, and meet up with his friends. I'm the one who exhausts him, Dada is the one who relaxes him.

Yes, I wish I could be his everything, but I'm not, nor should I be. We all exist as part of a family unit, so I'm happy that this little child of mine has already discovered his person who can make everything better.