Jade Roper Tolbert is sharing her complex thoughts on the phrase "rainbow baby." The reality star, who married Tanner Tolbert after meeting on Bachelor in Paradise, recently disclosed that she had suffered a miscarriage after becoming pregnant during the show in 2015. Two years later, however, Jade and Tanner would welcome their daughter, 1-year-old Emerson Avery, and are currently expecting their second child, a boy due in August.
"I didn't want to even turn and face my storm."
Though publicly speaking about her miscarriage has been a healing experience, Jade said she feels conflicted about describing Emmy as a rainbow baby. "I've always disliked the term 'rainbow baby,' and I think it's because I didn't want to even turn and face my storm," Jade wrote. She added, "Every time I would think of Emerson as a rainbow baby, it would make me so angry inside. Why would I want to attach something so traumatic to someone completely pure and perfect? I didn't want that label on her when I felt she deserved her own individuality, her own presence, her own mark in this world."
Then, a powerful moment during a family vacation in Hawaii changed Jade's perspective: for the first time since the birth of her daughter, Jade said she was able to see a rainbow through storm clouds. "I was holding Emerson, and for the first time my heart softened and understood," she said. "That something so beautiful can forge its way after something so scary and dark is a miracle in itself." Though she said she's still not sure if she would call Emmy a rainbow baby, Jade feels more comfortable with the phrase following her moment of clarity.