Bachelor Nation's Jade and Tanner Tolbert, who became engaged on the season two finale of Bachelor in Paradise, recently revealed that they became pregnant during the show but sadly lost the baby shortly after. The pair, who announced in late January that they're expecting their second child together following the birth of their daughter Emerson in 2017, shared their miscarriage story for the first time in an emotional YouTube video posted to their family's channel.
In the video, "Pregnant in Paradise . . . Our Miscarriage Story," the couple got vulnerable with their fans and followers. "I wouldn't say it's a secret we've been keeping, but . . . I do think it's something important that we do address," Jade said, sharing that even much of her and Tanner's families were unaware of their loss, as they chose to keep the news private. They first decided to open up on a recent episode of Bachelor alum Kaitlyn Bristowe's podcast, "Off the Vine."
Tanner says that discovering they were pregnant while still really getting to know each other after being on the reality show — they were engaged just four weeks after meeting each other — brought them closer together, and Jade echoed that completely. They moved in together after Jade took her positive pregnancy test and made a commitment to working on their relationship and starting their family together.
"I think when a miscarriage happens, one of the things we ask ourselves is, 'Why?'"
"Sadly, we did lose the baby, which at the time I didn't really grieve, because I didn't know how to process it. It was so much, so fast. And in a really bad way, it was almost a relief because we were in such a whirlwind. But it wasn't really until after I had Emerson that I realized how much I loved my child and how amazing of a miracle it is, and I think I really grieved that child much later," Jade shared through tears. "I think when a miscarriage happens, one of the things we ask ourselves is, 'Why?' . . . It's so hard when something like that happens, and you wonder why your body didn't keep the baby, or honestly, it could have just been genetically that that baby was just never meant to carry. It's hard to say, but I think it's something I've wondered a lot about . . . [but] without what we went through, we wouldn't have Emmy."
Tanner started the video as almost a cautionary tale. The pair had only had sex one time in the Paradise fantasy suites — and "apparently once is all it takes" — but weren't careful about protection (Jade notes that her cycle was thrown off because of sharing a room with all the other women on the show, which likely affected her ovulation). Because everything happened for them so quickly, he feels that's maybe why the couple chose not to share their story publicly at that time.
"Looking back at it now, it's hard to not be sad. Knowing how much I love Emerson today, I would have loved that baby that so much, and I never got a chance to know him or her. It's really sad to think about what could have been," Tanner said. "We were scared of what people might think — that's maybe part of the reason we didn't tell the story sooner. But it is our story, and I wouldn't change anything. It's led us to where we are today, and I think that's OK."
And now that they're opening up, Jade shared a message with anyone who has gone through the same thing. "I just really wanted to do this because it is our story, and it is something that happened, and it mattered. And I also want anybody who has gone through this to know that you're not alone, you can get through it, and hold onto the people you love because they'll help you get through it."
At the end of the emotional video, Jade and Tanner shared a written message with their "Paradise baby": "We love you so much and think of you often and are so sorry we never got to meet you. But you will always be a part of our family. Love, Mom and Dad."