The 19 Gruesome Stages of Changing a Baby's Explosive Diaper
As a parent, you become pretty numb to things like vomit and boogers and even poop — but it's a completely different story when it's a poop explosion, or "poopsplosion," if you will. There are approximately a million other things a parent would rather do than change a poopsplosion, and we know, because we've been there. If you've also been there, you'll recognize these 19 stages of changing one of those parental nightmares all too well.
You’re innocently cleaning the playroom/making lunch/living your life when you smell it.
You peer around the corner and find your diapered tot happily sitting in a pile of its own poop.
And life as you know it has just ended.
You approach your child to get a closer look at the damage, and your greatest fear has become a reality.
You pick up your little — being sure to hold them at arm’s length — and run them to the bathroom.
Ewwwwww. Ew ew ew ew.
You stare at your sweet baby covered in sh*t and can’t help but gag.
You feel like an awful person, but you’re only human, and this is ripe!
You make your first attempt at stripping them, but hesitate.
Take a deep breath and try again.
You undress your baby completely until all that’s left is their diaper, and, you know, the poop.
You can see the smears creeping up your tot’s back and down their legs.
You slowly undo the diaper’s flaps and pray that you’ll make it through this experience.
This is not a drill and they did not talk about this in What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
As soon as the diaper is off, all of your senses are completely attacked.
You can see it, smell it, and, oh god, you can taste it. Yep, it’s in your mouth.
You start using wipes, to no avail.
This stuff is stuck. It’s in every crevice, and it’s not going away.
You resort to gagging once more, because this is getting to be too much.
You didn’t sign up for this.
You try to ignore the fact that you’ve most certainly gotten poop on your clothes by this point.
And no, no, that's certainly not poop on your hand. Nope.
At this point all you can think to do is to put your kid in the sink and start to rinse.
The smell has still gone nowhere.
You’ve abandoned your desire to keep yourself clean in favor of speeding up this grueling process.
You’ll use all of the soap and water to wash up later.
You finally get your baby clean and take a look at the carnage around you.
It’s like a tornado of dirty diapers came through your house.
You put your baby in fresh clothes and go back to clean up the mess.
After finding and cleaning poop in all corners of the room, you feel physically and emotionally exhausted.
Nothing has ever been this demanding before. And, seriously, is that poop on the ceiling?
You feel a little bit traumatized but are ultimately just happy it’s over.
You’ll recover eventually.
You can resume your life.
Until the next time they have to go.