Joanna Gaines on Instagram vs. Reality: "It's So Easy to Let Social Media Rob Us of Authentic Moments"

Updated on Feb 3, 2019 at 3:36 PM

Even Joanna Gaines feels pressure to make her Instagram feed look "perfect," and gets anxiety when she compares her "real life" to other people's on social media. In Joanna's editor letter in the Spring 2019 issue of The Magnolia Journal, the mom of five gets real about what social media robs us of, especially when it comes to our kids.

Once the owner of an Instagram account with few followers, Joanna didn't put much thought into the quality of the photos she was sharing. "When that number started to rise and people were sharing their opinions about what I was posting, that changed. I could feel insecurity start to creep in, and posting a photo was no longer an act of enjoying the in-the-moments of life but rather a more calculated decision. With every picture I found myself critiquing if there were messy backgrounds or blurry smiles," she wrote. "I think this is how we can end up losing sight of what is worthy of sharing and what is even more worthy than that — moments worth simply experiencing. Eventually, I realized that I was letting this small square on my phone become yet another thing to perfect."

Sound familiar? For me, it rings all too true. Most parents' camera rolls are filled to the storage limits with photos of their kids doing anything and everything, and more often than not, there are several versions of each photo. And no matter how good any of them come out, there's always that lingering feeling of someone "doing it better" because of what their Instagram feed looks like.

"It is so easy to let social media rob us of authentic moments."

Joanna says: "It is so easy to let social media rob us of authentic moments . . . And what happens when we don't think our 'real life' looks as good as someone else's? We make adjustments — find better lighting, dress our kids in something nicer, place a vase of fresh flowers in the background, or add the perfect filter. They say you should take a picture to make a moment last longer. I don't disagree. But it seems to me that if you're present, really present, the memory is what outlasts anything else."

Although Joanna sees the benefits of social media and the inspiration that can come from scrolling through our feeds, she stresses that it shouldn't ever be "a means to measure our worth or compare our lot in life with another's." But that doesn't mean that she doesn't sometimes find herself making comparisons between her life and others', despite her own advice:

Let's not miss or critique the beauty that others are trying to put out into the world by evaluating them based on our own set of criteria or by making it about ourselves. . . [I am] mindful of when the red flags of comparison or anxiety begin to move in. They kindly remind me that something in my own heart or mind is a bit out of sorts. My best next step is to stop scrolling and put my phone away. That's way harder for me to do when I'm not in a great place in my head or heart, but continuing down the rabbit hole never, ever helps a thing.

I'm a firm believer that how we spend our minutes can become the way we spend our life. Don't get me wrong; I love to snap photos of my kids whenever it's physically possible. My camera roll is constantly full because of it, but when I hear myself start to say something like "move slightly to the left" just so I can get the perfect angle, that's when I know it's time to check myself. That means putting my phone somewhere it won't be a distraction. Perhaps I'll post that photo in a few days when I have some distance from it and a fresh frame of mind. Or maybe I won't. There are no true rules or set timeline. What I can't get back to later is the beautifully imperfect view that's unfolding right in front of me — no edits required.