Why This Mom Puts 5 Hairbands on Her Wrist to Deal With Her Difficult Toddler
Today a mom put five black hairbands on her wrist, not because she wants to be certain that her hair is up at all times but because she wants to be a better parent to her "testy" four-year-old son.
Confused? Let Shauna Harvey explain:
I've found myself so incredibly stressed out, I beat my head against the wall daily because I don't understand why my four-year-old insists on being disrespectful and a non-listener. I was to the point of crying at least every other day.
I wore 5 rubber bands on my wrist from the time I got up, to the time I tucked him in just now. The 5 rubber bands represent every time you lose your cool or say something unkind to your child. Every time that happens, you move one band to the other wrist. To "gain the band back," you must do 5 kind/positive things with your child – a dance party, singing a song together, reading together . . .
Her experiment wasn't just something she came up with on her own. She had read about its effectiveness.
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman calls it "the magic ratio" — that as long as there are five times as many positive interactions between people as there are negative, the relationship is likely to be stable. Even a Harvard-published study revealed that having at least five positive comments ("I agree with that," or "that's a terrific idea") to negative comments fosters ideal team performance.
"I'm going to be using this method until it becomes a habit and basically turns into an autopilot ritual," Harvey said on her Facebook post. "I have finished the day with all five bands on the original wrist. I'm very proud of myself for exercising patience with him. I know it's only Day 1, but I'm hopeful this will help our communication skills and our relationship. If you find yourself being that 'angry mom,' try this!"