4 Ways We Are Working to Make Our Marriage Stronger After Having a Baby

Updated on May 4, 2019 at 7:49 AM

Love, marriage, kids. Love, kids, marriage. Love, partnership, kids. There are a million scenarios when it comes to relationships, and all of them are completely their own unique experience. Whether you are married to your partner and have kids together or are not married but in a committed relationship with kids, you likely experience trials: ups, downs, twists, curves, highs, and lows.

I am married to my lovely male partner, and right now we are in a good place. A few months ago, we were not in the best of places. And then a few months before that, it was extremely good. It has been — and I imagine will continue to be — full of changes. But I am beginning to notice a pattern of what seems to work for us and what helps us be in the best place in our relationship. We are a stronger couple now because of all the hard work we put in. This is how we managed to make our marriage stronger after kids and work to make it stronger every single day.

Focus on Communication

Communication is by far the most important thing in our relationship. We've got a bit of a barrier when it comes to communication, as we're actually from completely different cultures and have different native languages. Sometimes, things get lost in translation. Other times, it is just normal relationship miscommunication.

Take the time to communicate about everything: things that bother you or upset you (and why), things that you love about your partner, what you enjoy and don't enjoy in bed, and differences in your parenting styles. We certainly parent differently but when one of us does something the other might have done differently, we try and discuss it after our daughter has gone to sleep or is in another room.

Make the space and time to talk, even if your eyes are heavy and you have a good book waiting for you.

Prioritize Sex and Intimacy

I include both sex and intimacy because as some (OK, most) women may have experienced, sex is not always the top priority or even an interest after baby. My libido went from 100 to absolute zero, and it is still something I am working on.

Having said that, I'm making an effort. I listen to podcasts about sex after motherhood and I talk about it with my partner, although he most definitely wants to talk less and have sex more. I'm being honest (for the first time in . . . ever) about what I enjoy and what is not working for me. Think about what you like. What actually feels good? This can include everything from bedtime snuggles and public hand-holding and kisses, to your deepest and wildest fantasies.

When we are in a good place sexually, everything is better. I am not exaggerating; the quality of our sex life affects every aspect of our relationship. For us, this is a top priority and something that I am working through personally to get that libido back. Don't underestimate the power of sexual energy in your life and your relationship!

Pick Your Battles

You get the idea. Decide when to speak up and when to just shrug it off. Some things are just not worth the argument, but others need to be talked out and resolved. What you choose is up to you and I am certainly still working on this. I've been in extreme "talk it out" mode lately, so much to the point where someone either walks away or we both end up laughing because I just can't stop myself.

Don't Give Up Adventures

Take that trip! Take your children, or go on your own if you can. And if you can't afford it, seek out small adventures in your daily life and around your town. Switch up your normal date night routine and go bowling. Go to an arcade or a concert. LIVE IT UP.

My husband and I basically have no time together. When he is at work I am home and when I am at work, he is home. We have tried to find balance and by spending at least one day per week together, but it doesn't always happen. We sneak in adventures here and there and make it a priority in our savings. We book last-minute tickets and affordable Airbnb rentals. We take day trips to the zoo or to cities near us. We make an effort keep things as exciting as they can be . . . when you have a toddler wrapped around one leg and a coffee in hand.