The 10 Commandments of Potty Training, According to Your Toddler
A period of time in which any and every surface in your home becomes a toilet, potty training sits at the top of the ever-growing list of hellish parenting experiences we're all forced to go through. Between the sheer amount of laundry you're forced to do and the endless hours spent on the floor of the bathroom waiting for that elusive first poop, it can be a trying time. As with many parenting experiences, your toddler is totally in control, whether you like it or not.
- Thou shalt not freak out when I decide to pee on the floor. Hey, it could have been in a diaper, and that would have been regression, no?
- Thou shalt not assume that because my favorite character is on my undies I will not pee in them. When you gotta go, you gotta go — sorry, Dora.
- Thou shalt not ask me 20 times a day if I have to poop. I'll tell you when I'm ready, though I probably already finished by then. At least I said something?
- Thou shalt not take me out of the house without several pairs of undies and pants as backup. All bets are off as soon as we leave the house.
- Thou shalt bribe me with my favorite snack for successfully going on the potty. Food talks, candy talks faster.
- Thou shalt not take any dancing for granted during this period. I will lie and tell you I don't have to pee, but I definitely do and am about to go where I'm standing.
- Thou shalt allow me to spend my time on the potty as I please if you want results. This includes, but is not limited to, rolling all of the toilet paper off the tube.
- Thou shalt not be lured into a false sense of security too soon. Even if I've used the potty successfully for days, the minute you throw out the diapers, it's game over.
- Thou shalt not judge my desire to be completely naked throughout this entire process. Which is better, peeing in my pants, or making it to the toilet butt-naked?
- Thou shalt not put a time limit on the amount of time it takes me to poop. By all means, bring something to entertain yourself (I won't let you use it in peace though).